


Snapshots of her Life

by OnceBlinkInsomniac



Category: BLACKPINK (Band)
Genre: AU, And Dreamcatcher members, Bullying, Character Death, Eventual Happy Ending, F/F, Heavy Angst, Homophobia, Hurt/Comfort, Jennie and Lisa are basically soulmates, and Itzy members, and Loona members, small cameo appearances of RV members, they live in a small town
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-23
Updated: 2021-01-11
Packaged: 2021-03-04 04:21:58
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 16
Words: 24,842
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24877636
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OnceBlinkInsomniac/pseuds/OnceBlinkInsomniac
Summary: Jennie was seven years old when she first met the person who would change her life forever...
Relationships: Jennie Kim/Lalisa Manoban | Lisa
Comments: 57
Kudos: 106





	1. Chapter 1

_Jennie was 7 years old when she met her for the first time…_

A young, seven-year-old girl leaned against the base of a tree, hiding her face in her knees as sobs wrecked through her body. The young girl was the new student at the elementary school, having just moved to Athalia, Ohio from Korea. It was her first day of school and she had been excited about the prospect of making new friends. She had spent the whole car ride jumping up and down in her seat, anxious to meet new people. Her mother had walked her to the main office before leaving her there with a fond smile and a kiss on the forehead, sure that she was leaving her in capable hands.

The principal smiled amusedly at the girl who looked like she was about to burst from excitement. “Follow me, I’ll take you to your first class”, she told her. The girl followed him down a long hallway, looking at the posters sticking on the walls. He stopped in front of a wooden door and knocked on it, waiting until a kind-looking woman stuck her head out. She saw the small girl standing beside the principal and smiled kindly at her. “I’ll take it from here” she told the principal.

“Hello Jennie, my name is Ms. Willows and I will be your teacher during the rest of the year”. Jennie smiled at her. She motioned at the young girl to come in and then turned to face the class. “Everyone, say hello to Jennie, she has just moved here from Korea so I want everyone to give her a warm welcome”. Turning to look at Jennie, she motioned her forward. “Why don’t you tell us something about you so we can get to know you?”.

Jennie smiled brightly at her new classmates. _“I am Jennie, I has no siblings and I loves musik”_ she told them proudly. Her classmates started laughing at her broken English. “Go back to Korea” a voice shouted at her from the back, making the others laugh even harder. “

“Hey, that’s not how you treat a classmate” Ms. Willows told them angrily. “Whoever, said that better apologize to Jennie right now”. The silence stretched on, as everyone was unwilling to admit who had shouted the harsh words. With an apologetic glance at the confused girl, Ms. Willows told her to sit down so they could start the class.

Jennie couldn’t understand why everyone had laughed like that and sat down in her appointed seat wondering what she had done wrong. The rest of the day went by quietly and soon it was time for recess. The whole class ran out the moment the bell rang, leaving Jennie behind with only the teacher for company. Ms. Willows walked up to Jennie’s seat, where she was still sitting and smiled sadly down at her. “I apologize for what happened earlier. Kids your age can be really cruel. But don’t worry, not everyone is like that.” She waited for a response but when she saw she wasn’t going to get one she smiled at the young girl once more before leaving the classroom.

Jennie was still confused about what had happened but she took Ms. Willow’s words about not everyone being like that to heart and stood up, eager once again to make new friends. She followed the noise of children playing and laughing all the way to the playground. She stood in the edge of the playground for a few minutes, watching the other kids playing around and trying to decide where to go to first. After watching for a while, a group of girls her age caught her eye. They were sitting on the grass in a circle laughing and watching a group of older kids playing a game of football. Jennie approached them with a smile. The moment they noticed her standing there they immediately stopped talking and turned to look at her. Jennie felt nervousness bubble in her stomach at their stares but she ignored it and instead tried introducing herself. “Hello, I am Jennie”, she told them, proudly smiling at the fact that she hadn’t stuttered. The girls, however, burst out laughing the moment they heard her thick accent. Jennie’s smile crumbled as the girls continued laughing. Feeling embarrassed, the young girl quickly turned around and ran, wanting to get away from the mocking laughter. She got to the edge of the playground, the farthest she could get away from the group of girls, before sitting down on the shade offered by a large apple tree. Jennie watched the other kids laughing with their friends for a few seconds before the first tears made their way down her cheeks. Before long, she had her head buried in her knees, her little body trembling with the force of her sobs.

After a short while, Jennie was surprised by the feeling of a hand resting on her shoulder. She looked up, wiping away tears as she did, and saw a girl her age standing before her. The girl in question had long dark hair, light brown eyes and was tall for her age, especially compared to Jennie’s small height. The girl sat down in front of Jennie without a word and smiled at her. “I’ve never seen you before, who are you?”, the girl asked her bluntly, but not unkindly.

The girl couldn’t pinpoint it exactly, but something about the warmth and kindness that the blonde girl’s smile radiated made her feel safe. “I’m Jennie” she told her, smiling back shyly, tears long forgotten. And when the girl had no reaction whatsoever to her accent, she knew that Ms. Willow had been right, because this girl was definitely not like the other kids. “I’m Lisa”.


	2. Chapter 2

_Jennie was 12 years old when she realized she was different…_

Jennie stood in front of her closet with a bag in her hand, shoving clothes in. “You do realize we’re only staying one night, not moving in, right firefly?”. Jennie didn’t seem to hear the comment as her entire focus was now on which pajamas to pack. Lisa looked at her from her spot on the bed where she was sitting. She looked amused at the other girl’s conflict. Lisa got up and walked over to her, picking a pair of pajamas that she had given to her for christmas and handing them to Jennie. “Take this, that way you’ll be thinking of me”, she told her, her usual smirk adorning her face. Jennie rolled her eyes at her best friends’ antics before packing them in her bulging bag and closing it.

“You didn’t forget to pack anything, right?” Jennie asked Lisa. “Yes mom, I have everything right here”, Lisa answered, picking up her bag which was lying on the floor. Jennie looked at the rather empty looking backpack in her friends’ hand and raised her eyebrow questioningly. Lisa laughed at her expression. “I promise I have everything I need right here. Just because I didn’t pack my whole closet doesn’t mean I’m missing anything.”

Jennie still looked unconvinced but she let it go. “Fine but I’m not bailing you out when you realize you’ve forgotten something”

“Girls, we’re leaving now”, Jennie’s mom voice came from downstairs. Lisa quickly grabbed her backpack and ran down the stairs, Jennie following a moment later after she quickly shoved another pair of pajamas in her bag.

It was the birthday of a girl in their class and she had invited all the girls to a sleepover. Lisa had wanted to skip out on it but Jennie had been extremely excited, imagining a scene out of all the sleepovers they had seen in movies and Lisa had been unable to say no to Jennie when the shorter one used her puppy eyes on her. Lisa had pointed out that it wasn’t technically her first sleepover since they both stayed at each other’s house more often than not but Jennie had insisted that it wasn’t the same thing. That´s how they ended up sitting in the backseat of Ms. Kim´s car, one girl almost bouncing with excitement and the other one wishing they were back in one of their homes watching tv like they usually did on the weekend.

Ms. Kim stopped the car in front of an impressive-looking three story house painted a light bluish color. Jennie jumped out of the car and grabbed Lisa's hand, dragging her to the front door. Ms. Kim chuckled as she stepped out of the car at a slower pace, following after her daughter and her best friend. Jennie frowned at her mother, embarrassed at her insistence on accompanying them to the door as she wanted to meet Mina’s mother before leaving.

The three of them waited on the porch for a few moments until the door was opened by Ms. Shon. “Hello, you must be Ms. Kim. I’m Wendy, Mina’s mom” the kind looking woman greeted with a smile. “Hi Wendy, call me Joy, Ms. Kim sounds too formal”.

“Would you like to come in for some coffee Joy? A few other moms are already in the living room” “I would love to” she answered, smiling knowingly down at her daughter who had been adamant about nobody else’s mother accompanying them. “You girls can go down those stairs, the other girls are already there”, Wendy told the two girls, pointing at a staircase on the other side of the room. With one last wave, Wendy and Joy walked off towards the living room, leaving the two girls alone.

“Well, let’s get this over with then” Lisa joked as she started walking towards the stairs. She quickly realized something was wrong at Jennie’s lack of response, as that was the point where she would usually start scolding her for not taking it seriously, which would then end up with Lisa nodding seriously at Jennie’s words while inside she would be fighting the urge to pinch the other girl’s cheeks and make fun at her adorable attempt at glaring.

She quickly turned around and saw Jennie starring blankly into space. Jennie’s excitement had turned into nervousness and she was currently running different scenarios in her head of ways she could get out of it. Faking feeling sick so she could go back home seemed like the easiest of all the ideas that popped through her head and she was just trying to decide whether to fake a headache or a stomachache when she felt a warm hand slipping into her own.

Lisa knew Jennie well enough to know what was running through her mind at that exact moment and she refused to let her go through with it. While she herself had no interest in spending the night with a bunch of girls which she saw every day but almost never talked to, she knew how excited Jennie had been at the opportunity to get to know the other girls better. She knew Jennie could be extremely shy when it came to meeting new people which is why they often spent their afternoons together at one of the two girl’s houses. Jennie had tried starting conversations with other classmates at Lisa's urging but her natural shyness always got in the way and ended up with her running away before anything could really start. It was how Jennie had gotten her nickname, as Lisa had claimed that she was just like a firefly. Glowing and brightening up everything around when it was just them but quickly shutting down whenever someone else approached. This time, however, Lisa would not let Jennie ruin something she had been so excited for.

Lisa's grip tightened on Jennie’s hand, instantly calming her down. She waited quietly until Jennie seemed ready and then walked down the stairs together, their hands never leaving each other.

They entered a large room and stopped in awe of it. A huge plasma tv hung on one wall with a large, L-shaped couch facing it. Beneath the tv laid what was probably every single gaming system in existence. A few wooden shelves hung besides the tv holding what looked to be an impressive collection of video games and on the other wall laid a huge bookcase holding what looked to be every movie that had come out in the last 5 years at least.

The girls were laying out their sleeping bags in a circle formation in the large space between the door and the couch. “You’re here”, Mina exclaimed when she noticed them standing there. “We’re just setting out things down before we start, you can put your things down there” she told them, pointing at a space left in the circle. Jennie walked over and started taking out her sleeping bag when she noticed the guilty smile that Lisa was sending her. “You forgot your sleeping bag, didn’t you?” Jennie asked her unimpressed. “Hey, I’ve only slept over at your house before and we always share the bed” she defended herself. “And what, did you think we would all squeeze into one bed?”

Lisa simply shrugged helplessly. “I guess we’ll just have to share then”, Lisa said, smiling brightly at Jennie, unbothered by the turn of events. Jennie simply sighted trying to feign annoyance but both her and Lisa knew she didn’t really mind.

A little while later, the girls gathered in a circle as Mina proposed playing a game of Truth or Dare. The game started only lasted a few rounds and it seemed like all of the truths were basically asking which boy from their class did they think was the most attractive. Jennie couldn’t understand the other girl’s excitement as she had never really thought about things like that. Lisa seemed to be having fun and was participating happily which was more than what Jennie had expected after she had basically had to begged her to come to the sleepover.

The game ended after the food arrived, Mina’s mother carrying the various boxes of pizza down to the basement for them. They sat in the couch and put on the first twilight movie as they ate. Jennie had never watched the movie before and she couldn’t help but think that it was the type of movie that she and Lisa would watch just to make fun of it. The other girls seemed to be enjoying it thought and Jennie found herself almost drifting off as she felt Lisa's soothing fingers massage her hair while she laid her head on the taller girl’s shoulder.

A while later, after the movie ended Jennie sat up eagerly, thinking it was finally time to play some video games. Unfortunately, the girls had other ideas. Mina had them seat in a circle as an intense debate about who was more attractive between Edward and Jacob began. “Yeah, well at least Jacob doesn’t look like a recently painted white wall”, Rose exclaimed angrily after Olivia had said that Jacob’s tan looked more orange than the sun. “Well I don’t know about you guys but I could barely take my eyes of Edward whenever he came on screen” Mina said. Some of the girls agreed with her while the others said the same thing about Jacob.

As the chatter continued, Jennie was confused when she realized that she had spent the movie watching Alice instead of either the werewolf or the vampire like the others. She reasoned that it was simply because her personality reminded her of Lisa's and Lisa was her best friend so it made sense for her to be thinking more about Alice like that.

Her explanation made sense to her until Lisa moved next to her so that she was leaning against her and the familiar butterflies started in her stomach, a feeling which she had become accustomed to long ago but that now held a much larger meaning as realization washed over her like a cold wave. She didn’t stare at Alice because she liked her personality or her character, she starred at her because she felt the same attraction for her that the other girls felt for Jacob and Edward.

Jennie was pulled out of her thoughts as the girls started getting up, changing into their pajamas. She took the pajamas Lisa had chosen for her out of her bag along with the other one that she had packed at the last minute. She wordlessly handed them to Lisa whose expression had turned slightly alarmed as she searched through her own bag for a pair of pajamas which she had never packed in the first place, before going into the bathroom to change. Lisa accepted them with a guilty smile and waited for her turn to change.

Jennie came out a few minutes later and exchanged a quick smile with Lisa before hurrying to her sleeping bag and getting into it. The last bits of chatter died off as the girl’s steady breathing filled the room, indicating that they had all fallen asleep already. Jennie starred at the roof as her thought were all over the place, thinking back on the huge realization she had made about herself earlier. Her thoughts were cut off the sound of the bathroom door opening. Jennie heard Lisa's quiet footsteps walking towards her. She wordlessly scooted over, making space for the other girl in her sleeping bag. Lisa quietly made herself comfortable next to her, wrapping her arms around Jennie’s waist. It was only a few moments later that Jennie heard Lisa's breath even out as sleep overtook her. They had slept in that position hundreds of times before but something about this time felt different to Jennie now that she knew her true feelings. Comforted by the familiar warmth of Lisa's arms, she soon fell asleep as well.

The next morning, Ms. Kim came to pick both girls up. They dropped Lisa at church on the way home, as her parents were really religious and refused to let her miss Sunday mass. Upon arriving home, Jennie ran to her room to unpack, thoughts of the day before running through her mind.

She had had fun and she was happy at the opportunity to get to know the other girls better but in the end, she realized that it didn’t beat the feeling of pure happiness and contentment that she got laying on her bed with Lisa, watching cheesy romance movies on Netflix and making fun of them or sitting on her roof starring at the stars and making up stories about all the crazy things the stars have witnessed throughout the years, each trying to make up the craziest scenarios trying to out weird each other, trying to win the unspoken contest of who made the other laugh the most.

But most of all, it didn’t beat the warm feeling that enveloped her whenever the two were together, a feeling which she finally understood.


	3. Chapter 3

_Jennie was 14 years old when she realized there would always be people who would hate her for simply being herself… And that Lisa would never be one of them_

Jennie had never really thought of coming out, happy to hide her sexuality until she had graduated and went off to college somewhere far away, where the people where more open minded than in rural Ohio. Probably New York or maybe Los Angeles. Which is why she was not prepared when she was forced out of the closet. It all started on a trip to Washington. The soccer team had a huge game there that weekend and Jennie had convinced her parents to drive her down there so she could cheer Lisa on. Especially since Lisa’s own parents had refused to go as they were not supportive of her playing soccer, seeing it as a distraction. By the end of the game, Jennie had managed to scream herself hoarse shouting encouragement for Lisa, much to Lisa’s embarrassment.

Afterwards, Lisa had dragged Jennie to a party the team was having to celebrate their victory back at the hotel they were staying in, which just so happened to be the same one where Jennie and her parents were also staying.

The party had been going on for some time now and the other team had even joined them. Jennie was standing in the kitchen with Lisa and some of her teammates, quietly watching them talk about the game. Jennie was not a fan of parties and the loud music and constant chatter was starting to get to her. She had noticed the balcony when they had first entered the suite and decided it was the perfect place to get away for a little while and get some air. She grabbed Lisa’s elbow to get her attention and simply pointed at the balcony door. Lisa immediately turned around to accompany her but Jennie didn’t want to drag her away from the celebration and so told her that she would be back in a few minutes. Lisa started insisting on going with her but was then quickly dragged back into the conversation by one of the other girls and Jennie quickly made her way to the balcony.

The moment she stepped out and the door shut behind her she felt a lot better, the fresh air hitting her face and the loud sound of the music quieting to a more tolerable volume. She closed her eyes and breathed in. “You’re cute” a voice said, making her open her eyes quickly in surprise. She had though that she had been alone. The voice came from a girl who looked a little bit older than her. Jennie recognized her as one of the players on the opposite team. She was holding a red solo cup filled with a weird looking liquid that was clearly some kind of alcoholic beverage. And from the looks of her, it wasn’t her first cup. “Um, thank you?” Jennie said, unsure of how to reply. The girl simply smiled drunkenly at her and took her by the hand, dragging her to the edge. “Look at all the lights, isn’t it beautiful?”, she asked. “I mean, I guess so”. Jennie turned to look at the other girl but was surprised when she suddenly leaned closer and kissed her without any warning. It was Jennie’s first kiss and the only way to describe it would be sloppy, the smell of alcohol invading her senses. It lasted for a few seconds only before the other girl backed away and laughed drunkenly at the surprise that colored Jennie’s face. She chugged down the rest of her drink before throwing her cup on the floor and leaving. Jennie simply stood there trying to understand what had just happened. In her shock she failed to notice the flash of a cell phone coming from the window of the balcony.

Two days later, Jennie was making her way to her locker to get her books for her last class of the day when she noticed all the stares she was getting. The stares were accompanied by hushed whispers and even some pointed glares. She shook it of and kept walking but confusion started growing inside her as the whispers grew louder.

“Did you see the photo?”

“She doesn’t look like one”

“It’s unnatural”

In that moment, Jennie’s locker came into view and confusion turned into understanding in one second, the panic at the sudden realization hitting her like a cold wave. Stuck to her locker was a blown-up picture of two girls kissing in a balcony. She easily recognized herself and the drunk girl at the party. The kiss had lasted about two seconds and she hadn’t even responded but the angle at which the picture was taken made it look like she was a willing participant. The word faggot was written in black marker just below the picture.

Jennie froze on the spot, eyes unable to look elsewhere. She heard laughter behind her and turned around to see Lia, one of Lisa’s friends from the soccer team. Jennie had talked with her several times and they had always gotten along. Two of her friends were standing next to her. “I always knew there was something off about you”, she taunted Jennie, her voice cold and a sneer adorning her face. “I just never expected you to be one of them.” Her voice took on an even harsher tone on the last word, looking like even thinking of queer people disgusted her. “I didn’t… I mean… I’m not…” Jennie stuttered out; her words thick with her accent which only came out when she was nervous.

“What the hell is she saying?”, one of the girls standing next to Lia asked, the three girls laughing cruelly at her remark.

Hearing their laughter brought back unwanted memories of seven-year-old Jennie’s first day of class and of her classmates’ laughter at her broken English. A crowd had gathered to watch the spectacle and Jennie could feel their stares burning into her as the laughter continued. She took a few steps backwards, eyes darting around as she tried to find a way out of the situation. “At least Lisa will finally see you for the waste of space you truly are and ditch you”. Jennie’s posture immediately changed at hearing those words. Anger overtook her as Lia had just mentioned Jennie’s biggest fear. Lisa leaving her.

They had never talked about it so Jennie didn’t know Lisa’s thoughts on the LGBTQ community but considering the small-minded town they came from and the fact that Lisa’s parents were extremely religious, she feared her reaction wouldn’t be positive. Jennie straightened up and glared right at Lia, her comment hitting too close to home. “You’re one to talk. I’d rather be making out with girls than with teachers just so that I can get a passing grade”, she told her, remembering the rumors that had surrounded the other girl at the start of the year about her and their chemistry teacher.

Lia’s fists tightened in anger and in one quick motion she had shoved Jennie against her locker, arm raised to slap her. Jennie was too surprised at the sudden flare of pain that exploded in her back at the harsh shove and only had time to stare at Lia before she saw the hand flying towards her face. Time seemed to slow down as a blur ran towards them, ripping Lia of off Jennie just before the hand connected.

A loud thud was heard as the two bodies hit the floor harshly. Jennie was so surprised at the turn of events that it took her a few seconds to take in the scene in front of her. Lisa was straddling her teammate’s waist as her fists blew at her face, unintelligible threats flying out of her mouth.

Two teachers who had heard the commotion came rushing in. The crowd quickly dispersed, including Lia’s two friends. One of the teachers, Ms. Jessica, managed to pull Lisa of off Lia, dragging her back by the waist. Ms. Irene, the other teacher, helped pull Lia to her feet. Her lip was busted and there was already a bruise blooming on her cheek. Suddenly, without warning she burst into tears

“I don’t know what happened. I was just trying to talk with Jennie and Lisa tackled me out of nowhere. She’s crazy”. She told the teachers. At this, Lia once again tried to get at her, Ms. Jessica tightening his hold on her to keep her from flying at her.

Ms. Irene seemed to be considering the situation when her eyes caught the photo that was still hanging on Jennie’s locker. The homophobic slur written on it. She seemed to connect the points about what had actually happened rather quickly. “Lia, come with me. We’re going to the infirmary’s office. And we’ll be paying a visit to the principal afterwards. Jessica, please take Lisa to the principal’s office. Jennie, I’m sure you have classes to get to.”

Jennie was about to protest but was silenced by the fierce look the teacher shot her. Ms. Jessica let go of Lisa and started walking her to the office but she stopped when she passed Lia to whisper something in her ear. Jennie was too far to make out what was said but it figured it must not have been good by the way Lia paled at her words. She then continued following the teacher down the hallway like nothing had happened. Jennie noticed she hadn’t even turned to look at her once. Lia meanwhile, sulkily followed Ms. Irene in the opposite direction, shooting a glare at Jennie as she walked past.

Jennie was left standing in an empty hallway. With nothing else to do, she took her books out of her locker and made her way to her English class. She entered the classroom and was quickly waved to her seat with a look of annoyance as her teacher was in the middle of a lecture. Jennie made her way to the back of the classroom and sat in her seat, ignoring the hushed whispers and stares that seemed to follow her.

Time seemed to crawl by as Jennie spent the remaining class time looking at the clock. After what seemed to be an eternity, the bell finally rang, signaling the end of the school day. Jennie quickly grabbed her things and rushed to the office.

She approached Ms. Tiffany, the school secretary who immediately knew what she was here for when she saw her. “Sorry Jennie, she’s still in there”, she told her. Jennie knew Ms. Tiffany well from her time volunteering at the office last year for extra school credit. Jennie thanked her and walked over to one of the chairs that stood outside the principal’s office, ready to wait for however long it took for Lisa to come out.

It was barely five minutes later however when the door opened and a furious looking Lisa stormed out. Jennie was taken aback by the look of anger on Lisa’s face, used to her happy, easy-going personality. The angry look quickly evaporated when Lisa noticed Jennie standing there replaced by her usual smug smirk. “How long have you been waiting? You must have really missed me”. Jennie fought back a smile at Lisa’s usual smugness. “What happened in there?” she asked her, still thinking about the dark look on Lisa’s face when she had walked out.

Lisa continued smiling. “They expelled Lia. Thanks to the photo they believed me when I told them what she did.” Jennie was not fooled by her smile. She knew her well enough to know that there was something else she wasn’t telling her. “Lisa”, she said. Lisa’s smile slipped away at the clear warning in Jennie’s voice. “They kicked me off the soccer team”, she told her with a grimace. Jennie immediately felt guilty and looked down, unable to look her best friend in the eyes.

Lisa was quick to notice Jennie blaming herself, however, and took a hold of her chin with her fingers and raised her head so her eyes would meet hers. Jennie was startled at the fierce look Lisa was sporting. “Jennie, you better not be blaming yourself for this. The only person to blame is Lia and she got what was coming for her.” Jennie wanted to believe her but the guilt was still there. “But you love playing soccer.” Lisa simply shrugged at her. “I do. But not as much as I love you firefly.”

Jennie’s heart thumped as it always did when Lisa called her that. She wanted to simply move on but there was one last question on her mind. “You do understand that what they were saying about me is true, right?”.

Lisa looked unbothered by the news. “So?” she asked her before throwing an arm around her shoulders leading her towards the exit. “Now, I don’t know about you but I’m craving some ice cream”.

Jennie had to push back tears, her friend’s quiet acceptance meaning more for her than she could ever explain. She leaned more into the half hug and smiled, the negative emotions the day had evoked vanishing. “Sounds great, but you’re buying.”


	4. Chapter 4

_Jennie was 15 years old when everything changed…_

Jennie rolled her eyes as she watched Lisa flirting with some sophomore football player. It was the end of the school day and she was leaning on her locker waiting for Lisa so they could go back to her place and binge watch the new season of Game of Thrones together like they always did. Lisa however seemed to be taking her time as she was leaning on her own locker, a few rows down from Jennie’s and she seemed to be in the middle of listening to a story the guy was telling her, as she kept nodding her head and laughing as he talked. They both seemed oblivious to the glares Jennie was sending them both, trying to ignore the pit of jealousy that stirred inside her when she saw Lisa laughing particularly hard at something the sophomore said.

Jennie knew that she should be used to this since her best friend had a reputation as a flirt. She had long ago come to terms with the fact that nothing would ever happen between them and that one-day Lisa would fall in love with some guy and she would always be stuck as the best friend and she was truly ok with that. After all, at least she still got to have her in her life. Or at least that’s what she told herself.

In that moment however, watching Lisa putting a hand on the Football player’s chest, the only thought running through her mind was that falling in love with your straight best friend sucked.

After realizing that Lisa still had her hand on the guy she turned around and slammed her locker door without thinking about it. The noise echoed around the emptying hallway and she internally cringed as she turned around and saw Lisa looking at her questioningly with a raised eyebrow. Jennie smiled back uncertainly and shrugged her shoulders at the taller girl’s silent question, resisting her urge to facepalm at her inability to think things through.

Her mini tantrum seemed to work though, as she watched Lisa saying goodbye to the now-disappointed football player before gathering her things from her locker and making her way over to Jennie’s. Linking her arm with the grumpy brunette, she pulled her along while she excitedly blurted out theories about who would win the iron throne. And, even though the brunette would deny it vehemently, she couldn’t help but beam at the blonde, her excitement infecting her as she forgot all about the football player.

——

That night, the two girls lied in Jennie’s bed, the only light coming from the tv which illuminated the room with a low glow. They had just finished the last episode and both were still trying to process it. The empty popcorn bowl laid forgotten on the floor, where it had fallen after Lisa had thrown it angrily as she watched her favorite character die on the screen. Jennie had laughed at the other girl’s anger, reminding her that it was just a tv show but had instantly regretted it when Lisa had thrown herself on top of her and tickled her sides mercilessly until she got a breathless Jennie to apologize. The blonde girl had simply smirked at her before laying her head on Jennie’s stomach, making herself comfortable with half her body still on top of Jennie. They had watched the last two episodes in that position and even after, while they talked about what theories had been correct and what parts had shocked them, Lisa made no move to get off of her.

By the time they both started yawning and Lisa finally moved in order to turn off the tv, Jennie was unsure about whether she was relieved or disappointed by the sudden distance. She didn’t have a lot of time to ponder on it though as the moment Lisa got back into bed, she simply got back into the same position with her arms hugging her around the midriff this time as she fell asleep. It wasn’t exactly abnormal behavior as Lisa had always been extremely affectionate and they had fallen asleep cuddling more times than Jennie could count through ought the years. Yet something about this time felt different somehow. Instead of overthinking as she tended to do, Jennie decided to simply enjoy the closeness with the girl she loved and drifted off as well.

The next day they quickly got ready for school and went down for breakfast. Jennie’s mother greeted them both with a kiss and her father waved at them from the kitchen counter where he was reading the morning news with a cup of coffee. She served them both pancakes, Jennie’s topped with strawberries and bananas and Lisa’s with whipped cream and blueberries just like they both liked them. Lisa spent so much time at Jennie’s house that her parents basically saw her as a second daughter. They had even given her a key to the house and told her she was welcome anytime after they discovered she had been climbing the tree outside Jennie’s window to get to her second story bedroom. They were worried that she would one day fall but Lisa still preferred climbing in through the window rather than using the front door. She claimed it was more fun that way.

After breakfast they hugged Jennie’s parents’ goodbye and hurried out the door, knowing they would have to hurry if they didn’t want to be late.

Later that day during lunch, Jennie watched once again as Lisa flirted with one of the basketball players this time. Jennie was glaring down at her lunch as Lisa listened intently as the basketball player told her about the winning point he had shot during their last game. They had been in the middle of deciding what movie they were going to watch later that afternoon at Lisa’s house after they did their homework when the Basketball Player had showed up out of nowhere and sat next to Lisa and started talking with her, ignoring Jennie completely.

Jennie sighted as she felt the now familiar feeling of jealously threatened to overwhelm her once again. She knew that her feeling like this every time she saw Lisa flirting with some guy was not healthy. She feared that if she wasn’t able to get rid of her feelings soon, she would do something she would regret. Something that would threaten her friendship with Lisa which was the single most important thing in her life. And she couldn’t risk that.

She had tried suppressing her feeling for so long, hiding them deep within her and yet nothing seemed to work. Jennie knew that spending all of her time with the other girl probably wasn’t helping her forget her feelings and so, as she watched Lisa laugh at something the Basketball player said, the perfect idea formed in her mind. She realized that she simply needed some space from Lisa so that her unwanted feelings would have some time to disappear. The problem would be getting said space as they were usually never far apart.

That day after school, as they walked back to Lisa’s house together, Jennie decided that her plan would start the very next day.

——

The next morning, she woke up early and made her way to school, arriving earlier than she ever had before. She grabbed her things from her locker and walked to her favorite spot beneath the bleachers, taking out a book to pass the time as she waited for school to start. A few chapters in, her phone started buzzing with messages and soon after, with missed phone calls, which she ignored knowing it was Lisa wondering why Jennie wasn’t at their usual meeting spot so they could walk to school together.

She waited until the last second before rushing of to her first period, arriving seconds before the bell rang. She ignored Lisa’s stare which only became more pointed after she walked past her usual seat next to her and sat at an empty chair on the other side of the room. All throughout the class she felt a familiar glare burning into the side of her face but she managed to look pointedly at the teacher for the whole hour. 5 minutes before the bell rang, she started gathering her things so that the minute class ended she was able to rush out of class, narrowly avoiding Lisa.

The next few classes, which they shared together, continued much of the same with Jennie sitting on the opposite side of the room as Lisa and rushing out of class before she could say anything. The only real difference was that as the day continued on, the glares burning holes in the back of her head became more and more heated.

During lunch, Jennie managed to hide in a corner in the library and during chemistry class, which they both had as the last class of the day, she asked a girl who’s name she didn’t know if she wanted to be her lab partner, ignoring the hurt look in Lisa’s eyes as they were always lab partners. Jennie knew that she was being unfair to her best friend but she also believed that it was the only way she could ever actually move on so that she could then continue her friendship with Lisa without all the extra feelings.

When the bell rang, she once again managed to disappear in the busy hallway before Lisa was able to get to her. Seems like being so short actually worked in her favor for once, she thought with a grin, which quickly vanished when she remembered had been trying to disappear in the first place. It would probably get easier as the days passed but for now, Jennie couldn’t wait to get into her bed and sleep the whole day away.

——

_“We’re all in this toge…”_ , Jennie’s singing was cut off abruptly at the sight of Lisa sitting on the edge of her bed, one eyebrow raised at her questionable taste in music. It was late at night and she had just walked into her room after taking a shower and was drying her hair with a towel but she stopped what she was doing immediately. She turned to look at the open window and had to stop herself from hitting her forehead in annoyance when she realized she had forgotten to lock it.

“Hey”, she tried greeting her, thinking that maybe if she acted normal then Lisa would too. Her hopes for that were shattered when Lisa started glaring at her instead of answering. “What are you doing here?”, Jennie asked, trying one more time. She was once again met with silence, an icy glare piercing her eyes.

Without a word, Lisa stood up and took two quick steps towards Jennie, the latter quickly taking two steps backwards, the anger on the taller girl’s face making her think that it was probably better for her if she kept some distance between them.

“Crap”, thought Jennie as she noticed the angry posture in the other girl’s form.

“Why have you been ignoring me?” Jennie laughed nervously at the accusation. “What are you talking about Lisa? I haven’t been ignoring you.” It was clearly the wrong thing to say as the expression on Lisa’s face grew even more thunderous and she took another step towards Jennie, making Jennie take another step backwards. “Oh, so you’re telling me you didn’t go out of your way all day just to avoid me? You just forgot to meet me in our usual place in the morning so we could walk to school together like we have been doing for years?” Her voice had taken on a mocking tone, which Jennie knew from experience was never good. “You didn’t sit on the opposite side of the room instead of next to me in our usual seats in all our shared classes and you didn’t run out the moment the bell rang instead of waiting for me?” She took another step forward, followed by Jennie’s step backwards. “You didn’t hide in the library during lunch or ask someone you barely know to be your lab partner when we’ve always been lab partners?” One step forward, followed by one step backwards. “You didn’t run off at the end of the day instead of coming over to do our homework like you have done every day for years?” One step forward, followed by one step backwards. “You didn’t ignore all my text messages and phone calls?” One step forward, followed by one step backwards.

Lisa was silent, waiting for Jennie to say something but the latter didn’t know what to say. She felt foolish for actually thinking that Lisa hadn’t noticed anything. How couldn’t she? They basically spent all of their time together. Jennie’s lack of response only seemed to anger Lisa even more. “Why. Have. You. Been. Ignoring. Me?” she asked again, each word punctuated by a silence. Jennie simply looked down, unable to look her in the eyes. “Did I do something?” Lisa asked, her tone a lot more subdued now, letting Jennie hear the hurt in her voice. “Of course you didn’t” Jennie quickly stated, longing to pull the taller girl into her arms. Her answer however, seemed to anger Lisa all over again.

“Then tell me why”, Lisa shouted angrily at the shorter girl, taking another step closer, making Jennie automatically try to take one back but was stopped when her back hit the wall. Lisa was now basically pinning Jennie against the wall. Lost in their anger they had failed to notice how close they had been getting, all sense of personal space now all but lost. Both girls seemed to realize their predicament at the same time as most of the anger faded away, a light blush painting both of their cheeks red. A long silence enveloped them as neither made any move to step away. Jennie was surprised when she noticed Lisa looking down at her lips. As the silence dragged on, the angry tension that had filled the room only a few moments before completely disappeared, a different kind of tension taking over. Jennie’s heart pounded in her chest as her gaze seemed unable to leave the other girl’s lips. They were standing so close that she could smell Lisa’s usual perfume, a mix of Lavender and vanilla with a hint of something else she couldn’t quite place. Something that reminded her of the smell of rain on a warm summer day. Something that was quite distinctively Lisa. The scent clouded her senses and all of the feelings that she had been trying to push down for so long came rushing back in an instant.

Before she could stop herself, she surged forward and captured the other’s lips with her own, trying to portray all the things she wanted to say but couldn’t. After a few seconds, she noticed the taller girl wasn’t responding and started pulling away, apologies already on the brink of her lips, when Lisa grabbed her by the back of her neck and pulled her back in, their lips touching in a searing kiss. The moment their lips touched, it felt as though time had stopped. As if they were the only people in the world. She felt her knees go weak and she could only focus on how soft her lips felt against her own. Their mouths moved together as all the feelings of bitterness, of guilt, of anger melted away until all that was left was the feeling of electricity that started of small and travelled all the way down to her toes, threatening to overwhelm her.

Only pulling away when the need for air became too great. Their foreheads rested together as they caught their breath, their eyes never leaving the others, trying still to silently communicate all their unspoken feelings.

“That’s why”, Jennie whispered, still breathless. Wordlessly, Lisa raised her hand to cup Jennie’s cheek as she leaned down to kiss her again. The second kiss was slower, gentler, though no less passionate. It was filled with unspoken promises of what the future held. Although it was only their second kiss it felt familiar somehow. Natural. As thought, they had done it a thousand times before. Jennie smiled against Lisa’s lips. It felt like coming home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you guys enjoyed it. Comments and constructive criticism is much appreciated :)


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just wanted to say very quickly that if I’m any chapter, you guys read the name Rosé instead of Lisa it’s because this was originally a Chaennie story. I always change the name to Lisa before updating a chapter but I might miss one somewhere so I’m telling you so you don’t get confused.

_Jennie was 16 years old when she realized she’d found her forever…_

It was late on a Friday night and Jennie was just getting home after dropping Lisa off at her house after their weekly movie date. She had wanted to spend the night over but her parents had insisted on her coming home so they could all go to church the next morning as a family.

Jennie opened the front door, already fantasizing about her warm bed after the long week she’d had. A voice greeted her as soon as she stepped inside. “Jen, is that you? Could you please come into the kitchen? We need to talk with you”, Jennie’s mother called. Jennie started making her way up the stairs. “Sure mom. I’ll be right there. Let me just drop my things off in my room.”

“Now Jennie. It’s urgent.” Jennie stopped in her tracks at hearing her father’s tone. She was confused by what was happening but slowly made her way down the stairs again and entered the brightly lit kitchen. Her parents were sitting on the kitchen counter holding what looked to be cups of coffee. Jennie immediately noticed two things. Her mother’s red eyes and her father’s suitcase that sat besides his feet. A sudden feeling of dread started building up inside her. “What’s going on?” she asked. “Please seat down Jen”, her mother told her, pointing at an empty seat. Jennie, however, was getting impatient as her mind started overflowing with questions. “Just tell me what’s wrong.”

Her father sighted. “Look Jen, I know this is going to be hard to hear but I got a job offer in California.” We can’t leave. This is our home.” She immediately protested, thinking of Lisa. “No Jen. You’re not leaving. I am.” Her father said. Jennie suddenly understood why her mother’s eyes were red and why he had a suitcase. “What do you mean? Why are you leaving us?”

Her mother tried to smile at her but Jennie could see the fakeness behind it. “He’s not leaving you Jen. Your father and I have decided to get a divorce and we thought this was the right thing to do.” Jennie immediately saw right threw her. She was talking as if it had been both of their ideas but by the way she looked Jennie knew it was her father that was leaving her. Jennie couldn’t comprehend what was happening. To her knowledge, both her parents loved each other and were happy together. She felt the beginning of a panic attack drawing near and knew that she had to get out of there. She turned around and started walking out the kitchen but was stopped by her father’s voice. “Wait Jen, my plane leaves in an hour so I have to go. I’ll call you every day. Come give me a hug goodbye.” Jennie scoffed at that and turned to glare at him intensely “Don’t bother calling. I won’t be there to answer.” She turned around and ran up the stairs to her room, slamming the door shut.

She clutched at her throat as she gasped for air. It felt like the walls were closing in on her. She hurriedly opened her bedroom window and climbed out, making the small jump from the ledge to the roof. There was a small piece of flat roof right above her bedroom and she had been sneaking up there ever since Lisa had first discovered it years ago. It was the place where she went when she wanted some space to think. The fresh air helped clear her thoughts and she could feel herself regaining control. She laid down and squeezed herself into a small ball, trying to understand her new reality.

Jennie quickly lost track of time and it could have been either minutes of hours later when she sensed someone joining her. The familiar scent of lavender and vanilla let her know who it was. “Your mom called.” The person said. That was all the explanation Jennie needed. She knew her mom understood the depth of her and Lisa’s relationship and she must have realized she was the only person Jennie wanted to see at the moment. Jennie simply nodded, without turning around to look at her. She knew the moment she did, the fragile wall she had managed to build would come crumbling down. She felt arms wrapping around her waist, pulling her closer. “It’s ok. It’s ok. I’m here”, a voice whispered in her ear, “I’m right here.”

The gentle words proved to be too much for Jennie as she quickly turned around in her embrace and hid her face in Lisa’s neck, as the tears finally fell. Her body wracked with the force of her sobs. Lisa simply continued whispering assurances, rubbing circles in her back as she held her even closer.

They stayed like that until Jennie’s sobs eventually quieted down into the occasional sniffle. “I don’t understand. Why would he just leave. I thought they were happy. I thought they loved each other. Is it my fault?” Jennie’s words came out muffled as she was still hiding her face in Lisa’s neck and it took Lisa a few seconds to discern them. She took a few seconds to answer, worried whatever she said would make things worse somehow.

“Don’t you dare blame yourself for this. If anything, they wouldn’t have lasted this long without you. Besides, people fall out of love all the time. Just because they don’t love each other anymore doesn’t mean they never did.” Jennie didn’t look convinced. “What’s the point then? Why go through all that for love if it’s only temporary anyway?”.

Lisa sat up, bringing Jennie up with her. She needed to see Jennie, to make sure she understood what she was about to tell her. Jennie got the message and sat cross legged across from her. “There are different kinds of love. The point is looking for the kind of love that never fades, never lessens. The kind that lasts forever and can survive through anything. Even death. I think that’s all everyone wants. To find their forever love. Most people spend their whole lives searching for this other person but most never do. The love your parents shared may not have been this kind of love but that doesn’t make what they shared any less real. They truly loved each other. Their love simply ran its track. Besides, I doubt they would ever regret it considering it gave them you.”

Jennie didn’t respond immediately, trying to take in Lisa’s mini rant. After a few seconds, that felt like eternity to Lisa, she finally broke her silence, a small smile forming on her face. “When did you become so wise”, she teased. Lisa feigned annoyance. “How dare you, I’ll have you know I’ve always been this wise. You were just to busy ogling me to notice.” Jennie smiled shyly at that, knowing the words were probably true. Her smile disappeared a few seconds later, however, as she turned solemn once again.

“You said most people spend their lives looking for this kind of love, and that most never manage to find it. What if you think you’ve found your forever but then in the future you realize you were wrong?”

Lisa knew that they were no longer talking about Jennie’s parents. “I think that when you have the real thing, it’s impossible to confuse. It’s when you feel like a part of you is missing when you’re not with the other person. When you feel like the world is black and gray but it bursts into the most beautiful colors when you’re together. When you literally feel like you were put on this earth for the sole purpose of loving her.”

Jennie understood what Lisa was trying to say. “Oh”. She whispered. “In that case, I’ve definitely found mine.”

Lisa felt tears prickling her eyes. “Well how lucky was I to find mine in an adorable 7-year-old with an even cuter accent” she joked. Jennie responded to the teasing by shoving her. “Shut up”, she said, letting out a tearful laugh. Lisa simply smiled at the happiness that now coated the other girl’s voice and leaned over to grab Jennie, pulling her closer until her back was flush with Lisa's front, her arms wrapped around her waist. She leaned down and planted a kiss on top of Jennie’s head. A comfortable silence enveloped them as they both knew there was nothing more to say. They sat there watching the darkening night sky, Lisa’s embrace protecting Jennie from the bitter cold air. Jennie couldn’t help but notice how perfectly her body fitted against Lisa’s. She really was her other half.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Like always, comments are very much appreciated. Also, I feel like now is a good time to remind you of the angst in the tags. And I’m not talking about this chapter. It’s still a few chapters away but I’m not going to lie, things are going to get pretty angsty.


	6. Chapter 6

_Jennie was 17 years old when she knew with certainty that she was going to spend the rest of her life with Lisa…_

Jennie was woken up from her sleep by a loud excited yelp. She had barely opened her eyes when she felt hands squeezing her cheeks as her face was peppered with kisses. Her hands flailed around, trying to get her attacker of off her. She heard Lisa chuckling as she finally let go of her face, standing up from the bed to grab a tray that she had left on the desk. She grabbed it and went to sit on Jennie’s bed, setting the tray on Jennie’s lap, who was sitting up against the headboard. “Happy Birthday firefly”, she told her.

Jennie blinked the last of her sleep away and looked down at the contents of the tray. There was a huge stack of strawberry and Banana pancakes which were Jennie’s favorite. Next to the pancakes stood the biggest cup filled to the brim with coffee. Normally, Lisa was against Jennie’s severe addiction to coffee but since it was special occasion, she was letting it slip this time. “Do you like it? It took me a long time to perfect the pancakes”, Lisa asked the birthday girl. Jennie looked down at the perfectly cooked pancakes and then turned back to Lisa, arching an eyebrow at her doubtfully, knowing Lisa's ability to burn even water in the kitchen.

She shivered as memories of the last time Lisa tried to cook invaded her mind. It had taken a whole month before they could use the kitchen again.

Lisa simply laughed at the doubt in Jennie’s eyes. “Fine, your mom cooked. But I woke up early to come here and accompany her. Plus, the drawing was all me.” She pointed at the edge of the plate where a crude drawing of a firefly done with whipped cream sat. Jennie rolled her eyes, fighting back a smile at Lisa's antics. “Shut up and eat”, she told her, grabbing one of the forks that sat on the tray. Lisa smiled at her before grabbing the other one and digging in.

After they had finished eating, Jennie looked up at Lisa. “So, how about we spend the day in watching movies?” she asked her. Lisa starred at her in disbelief. “You mean like we do every weekend? I don’t think so. I already have the whole day planned.” She told her. Lisa knew Jennie well enough to know that her birthday wasn’t usually a happy occasion ever since they were outcast by their peers. It made Jennie feel alone, knowing no one else wanted anything to do with her even on this special day and so she’d rather pretend like it was any other day. Lisa, however, refused to let the special day pass without celebration. “And no, before you ask. You don’t have a choice”, she added when she saw her pout.

Lisa took the tray from Jennie’s lap. “I’m going to wash this up, you get dressed for the next part of your birthday”, she told the Jennie, who simply ignored her and continued gulping down her coffee. Lisa rolled her eyes and waited for her to finish before taking the cup away. “Get dressed”, she ordered before leaving the room with the empty dishes.

Jennie reluctantly got up from her warm bed and made her way to her closet. She starred at her clothes for a few minutes before realizing she had no idea what she was dressing for. Lisa returned to see Jennie still starring at her closet. “You never told me where exactly are we going”, she told her, without turning to look at her. Lisa strode up to Jennie, pointedly ignoring her remark. She grabbed a pair of jean shorts and a white shirt before pairing it with a blue flannel and shoving all of it into Jennie’s hands. “Wear this”, she told her as she pushed her towards the bathroom.

Jennie wordlessly let herself be shoved into the bathroom, the door closing behind her with one last shout telling her to hurry up. She quickly changed into the outfit Lisa had chosen for her and put on some light makeup and brushed her teeth. She took one last look at the mirror before pulling her hair up into a ponytail and making her way outside, where Lisa wasted no time before grabbing her by the arm and dragging her downstairs, barely giving her time to grab her phone beforehand.

Both girls entered the kitchen where Jennie was greeted with a big hug and a kiss on her forehead by her mother. “Happy Birthday Jen.” She told her. Jennie started thanking her mom for the pancakes when she was interrupted by a loud groan. Lisa grabbed Jennie’s hand with one hand and her mothers with the other before proceeding to drag them both out of the house. Jennie and her mom simply laughed and let themselves be dragged along, used to Lisa's impatience.

Jennie sat in the backseat, letting Lisa seat upfront while her mom drove. “So, are either of you going to tell me where we’re going?” She was once again ignored as Lisa turned on the radio and started changing the stations, looking for one she liked. Jennie sighted and sat back, deciding to simply enjoy the mystery of the day.

About ten minutes later, Jennie opened her eyes as she felt the car coming to a stop. She looked outside the window and recognized the park they were at. It was one of the only parks in their small town and a place where Jennie and Lisa often rode their bicycles. She got out of the car and finally understood when she saw her mom taking a picnic basket out of the trunk of the car. Lisa smiled excitedly at her before taking her hand and making their way to a large tree in the middle of the park. Since it was early the park was rather empty. They sat in she shade offered by the tree. Her mom started unpacking the basket. There were sandwiches and pasta along with apple juice to drink and a few bars of Jennie’s favorite chocolate for dessert.

“I know how much you love picnics so this is the first part of today”, Lisa told Jennie. She was smiling but Jennie could see the nervousness in her eyes as she waited for her reaction. Jennie smiled at the sweet gesture and leaned in to peck her lips, conscious of her mom sitting right next to them. “I love it, thank you both.”

They spent a few hours in the park, eating and talking and Lisa eventually brought out the soccer ball she had brought and they played a few rounds, even managing to convince her mom to join in for a small, two on one game. It didn’t surprise anyone when Lisa won against both of them. After a while, Jennie’s mom told her she was going to walk back home before leaving the car keys to Lisa. After a few more rounds, Jennie got tired of losing and they both sat down again, Lisa leaning against the tree with Jennie laying on the ground, her head lying on Lisa's lap. They laid there for a while in silence, enjoying the other’s presence. Before long, the park started filling up and Lisa sat up before helping Jennie to her feet. “Come on. We’re going to be late.”

Jennie didn’t know what they were going to be late for but didn’t bother questioning her girlfriend, knowing she would get no answers from her. She followed her back to the car and got into the passenger’s seat. Lisa started the car and started driving towards an unknown destination as Jennie turned on the radio. They held hands over the partition, Lisa driving with one hand. Before long, they arrived at their destination. Jennie immediately recognized the small cinema which usually showed old movies. It was a small place with almost no customers. It was one of the two cinemas in their town and most people preferred the more modern one located inside the mall.

Jennie and Lisa loved the place and where regular customers. “What are we watching”. Jennie asked as they got out of the car and started walking towards the building. “You’ll see”, Lisa answered. They made their way to the counter where Lisa proceeded to make Jennie stand a few feet away as she brough both their tickets so she couldn’t overhear the movie’s name. Afterwards, they went to the candy counter and brought their usual order of one large bucket of popcorn to share with a large lemon soda and a packet of twizzlers, which Lisa was obsessed with, much to Jennie’s disgust. Lisa insisted on paying once again and they quickly got their stuff and walked into the screening room, which was almost empty. Jennie counted 4 people there besides them. They sat in their usual seats up front. Lisa had never understood Jennie’s insistence on sitting so close to the screen but simply went along with it. After the trailers ended, the opening music started and Jennie immediately recognized the movie. It was the breakfast club, her all time favorite movie and the movie they had watched during their first date almost two years ago. She turned to smile at Lisa before taking her hand in hers and turning back to watch the movie.

An hour and a half later, the ending credits started rolling around. Lisa and Jennie made their way outside, throwing their trash away in the trashcan outside the cinema. They walked outside where the air had started getting colder. They quickly got into the car. “Ready for the last part of today?” Lisa asked her. Jennie simply smiled and nodded, excited to see what else Lisa had planned. The car ride lasted a little longer this time and it was already 7:30 by the time the car came to a stop. Jennie was surprised to see Lisa had driven them to a hill. She had never been there before. She got out and got closer to the edge, wanting to see the view. The hill overlooked their whole town and since it was already getting dark, all that could be seen where little twinkling lights far below. It was the most beautiful view Jennie had ever seen. “How did you find this place?”, she asked Lisa, who she just noticed was holding the picnic blanket and a bunch of pillows she hadn’t noticed before.

“I actually found it by accident”, she confessed. “I was walking in the woods one day and kind of got lost and I ended up finding this place. I didn’t tell you because I wanted it to be a surprise.” Jennie laughed at the thought of Lisa managing to get lost in their small town.

Lisa spread the blanket and pillows on the ground before laying down and pulling Jennie down with her. Jennie laid her head on Lisa's chest and Lisa automatically responded by wrapping and arm around her waist, pulling her even closer.

Jennie breathed in the fresh nigh air as she looked up at the night sky. In that moment, she was overcome with how much she loved Lisa. She turned in her arms and leaned up to lay a kiss on her lips, trying to convey how much she meant to her. After a few seconds, she pulled away and rolled her eyes at the smirk Lisa shot her before laying back down and cuddling closer to her. “Thank you for today. I had an amazing time.” She told her. Lisa responded by tightening her grip on Jennie’s waist. “You know I love you, right?” Lisa asked her after a few seconds. Jennie was confused at her shaky voice. It wasn’t like they didn’t tell each other that at least a few times a day. “Of course I do. I love you too.” She said.

Lisa sat up, making Jennie sit up too. She sat cross legged, facing Jennie. Jennie quickly noticed her shaking hands. She was starting to get worried. It was unlike Lisa to be nervous. She was the most confident person Jennie had ever met.

“What’s wrong”, Jennie asked her. “Nothing’s wrong. I just wanted to give you your birthday gift”, she told her. Jennie laughed. “You mean this whole day wasn’t my gift?”, she questioned, jokingly. Lisa took out a small, gift-wrapped box and handed it to her.

Jennie ripped the wrapping off and opened the small box. She gasped at the sight of the two small, gold rings that laid in the box. She took one out of the box to take a closer look and saw there was an engraving on the side of the ring. The letters J+L were engraved on one side while a small infinity sign was engraved on the other side. She looked up at Lisa, still shocked into silence.

“I know we are still young and we still have the rest of our lives ahead of us. I’m not proposing we get married anytime soon or anything like that. This is just a promise. The future is uncertain but one thing I know for a fact is that whatever comes next, I want you by my side and that’s something that’s never going to change. So I promise to always be there for you, in whichever way you want me to be, and to always protect you. And one day, when we’re both ready, I will exchange that ring for a more official one.”

Jennie was taken aback by Lisa's gesture. She was overwhelmed by how much she loved Lisa. She threw herself at Lisa, throwing her arms around her and bringing her into a hug. “It’s perfect. You’re perfect.” She told her. Lisa responded by tightening her arms around Jennie. After a few minutes, Jennie broke the hug and pulled Lisa into a kiss. Jennie smiled against Lisa's lips, loving the way every kiss still felt like their first.

Once the lack of air became a problem, they finally pulled away. Lisa took out one of the rings. “May I?”, she asked, signaling towards Jennie’s hand. Jennie nodded and Lisa took her hand and placed the ring on her fore finger with a smile. Jennie took a few seconds to admire it before taking the other one and placing it on the same finger on Lisa's hand.

She looked into Lisa's eyes, wondering what great deed she must have done in a past life to deserve this. “I love you Lili”, she told her. Lisa smiled back at her. “I love you too firefly.”

Lisa threw an arm over Jennie’s shoulder before pulling her back down to their previous position. Conversation was unnecessary as they just wanted to enjoy each other’s presence. They laid there in a comfortable silence watching the stars. It wasn’t until Jennie’s eyes were starting to close and she started to drift off that Lisa woke her and told her it was time to go. They picked up their belongings before making their way back to the car.

They made casual talk in the car. Talking about some book Jennie had been reading and a movie Lisa wanted them to go see next weekend. Before long, they had reached Jennie’s house. They walked towards the house, Lisa using her key to unlock the door. Jennie was surprised to hear a lot of racket coming from the kitchen. Lisa however, looked like she had been expecting it.

She took her hand and together, they walked into the kitchen. The whole kitchen looked like the aftermath of a hurricane. Flour was everywhere and there were a few eggs dripping of the counter. In the middle stood her mother holding a red velvet cake. Jennie’s favorite flavor. Lisa let go of her hand and walked over to stand next to her mother. She grabbed a lighter and lit the candles that sat on top of the cake. “Happy birthday Jen”, her mom told her, smiling. With that, they both started singing happy birthday. Jennie looked at the mess in the kitchen and then looked at the cake her mother had clearly spent a long time making.

It may have just been Lisa and her mother singing her happy birthday in their messy kitchen, but looking down at the ring that sat on her finger and at the huge smiles on both their faces as they both sang horribly off key, Jennie knew she couldn’t have asked for more in that moment. 


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’d like to start by apologizing for what you’re about to read...

_Jennie was 18 years old when she discovered the true meaning of heartbreak…_

It was nearing midnight and all Jennie could think about was getting into her warm bed and sleeping all of the next day away. It seemed that no one else shared her idea thought as people jumped around to the pounding music that blasted from the speakers. It was Friday night and one of the popular guys was throwing an end of the year party and Lisa had somehow managed to convince her to come. Neither of them were really fans of parties, both preferring to stay in and watch movies. The only exception had only ever been the celebratory parties after the team won a game back when Lisa had been in the soccer team.

Lisa had argued, however, that graduation was right around the corner and that it could be one of the last times that they ever saw their classmates and Jennie had reluctantly given in, unable to say no to her puppy eyes. Now Jennie was wondering if maybe she shouldn’t have given in so easily. She was leaning against a wall in a corner watching her drunk classmates having the time of their lives as they jumped around to what sounded to Jennie like some horrible screeching but what was actually some popular rap song, waiting for Lisa who had gone to get her a drink.

Jennie personally couldn’t wait to get out of her small town and never see any of them again. Things had been rough after Lia had outed her to the school, although they had never reached that point again. It seemed that, after the third time of Jennie having to physically stop Lisa from jumping on someone for calling her names, her classmates had gotten the warning and had simply taken to ignoring her, asides from the occasional harsh comment. She had wanted to keep them dating a secret, afraid Lisa would experience the same harsh treatment but Lisa had refused to hide and had happily walked into the busy cafeteria the very next day and announced it to everyone looking like she had won the lottery. 

To Jennie’s surprise and relief, they were actually left relatively alone, as they probably didn’t want to mess with Lisa who had made a reputation for herself thanks to her somewhat explosive personality whenever someone tried to go after Jennie after she was outed. Jennie hated the mistaken image that all their classmates had of Lisa but she had insisted that it was for the better as it helped keep them safe.

She sometimes worried about all that Lisa had lost, going from the popular star soccer player with lots of friends to being seen as a violent individual with only her as a friend. Lisa had simply scoffed at her when she had shared her worries with her, telling her that she would do it all over again because the only thing that mattered was that she had her at her side.

A sight left her as she tapped her foot impatiently, mentally urging Lisa to hurry up. As she waited, she started wondering about what it would be like once they lived in New York. Both had agreed early on, on moving to a big city together after graduation. Somewhere they could finally be themselves without being judged constantly. Lisa had been the one to choose New York after they had spent a week there with Jennie’s mom a year earlier during the summer. She had fallen in love with the city on first sight and had immediately decided that that is where they would live one day. Jennie personally hadn’t cared where they moved as long as it was far from their small town. They had both applied and gotten into NYU. Her mother had been happy to help them with the move and had even helped convinced Lisa's parents to let her move there. They had been unable to understand why they wanted to move so far away, both being unaware of the fact that Lisa and Jennie were more than just best friends.

She was shaken out of her thoughts by a loud cough right in front of her. Jennie looked up at Lisa's smiling face. She was holding a cup out to her. “Sorry, you were lost in your thoughts again”, she told her. Jennie smiled back at her as she took the cup that was being offered. She took a sip and grimaced as the bitter taste of beer flooded her senses. “Sorry, wrong cup.” Lisa told her as she switched their cups. Jennie mock glared at her as she took another sip, this time being rewarded by the taste of lemon soda. “We’ve been here for two hours already, Lili, can we please leave now?” she whined. Lisa sniggered at the petulance that filled Jennie’s voice, making Jennie scowl at her. Lisa simply laughed again before leaning down to peck her lips. She grinned as she saw her scowl disappear at her gesture. “As you wish”, she told her, laughing once again as Jennie immediately grabbed her wrist and started making her way out of the house, dragging her girlfriend behind her.

Once outside, they got into Jennie’s truck and she backed away from the driveway as Lisa started fiddling with the radio, finally settling on one channel as a familiar song started filling the car. She grabbed Jennie’s hand over the partition and they made casual conversation as Jennie drove Lisa home. A short while later, they arrived at her house but Lisa didn’t make any move to get out, not wanting the nigh to end. They sat there for a while, simply holding hands and talking about all the things they wanted to do once they moved to New York in less than two weeks. Eventually, they had to part as Jennie’s mom was expecting her home soon. Lisa leaned over the partition to give her a parting kiss. “See you tomorrow, firefly.” She got out of the truck and made her way to her front door, looking back at Jennie one last time before going in.

Jennie stayed there until Lisa was inside before driving away, unaware of the angry eyes that followed her from the upstairs window.

\-------------------------------

Jennie was in the middle of giving her Nobel peace prize acceptance speech when she was awoken from her dreams by a loud gasp. She drowsily sat up in her bed, the rays of sun coming from the window indicating that it was the early morning. Certainly, too early for her to be awake on a Sunday. She sat there for a few seconds, confused about what had awoken her when she heard a loud sob coming from downstairs. Sleep quickly left her mind as she shot up from her bed and made her way downstairs. She walked into the living room and saw her mother crying on the floor, the house phone clutched in her hand. Jennie was instantly on alert. She hadn’t seen her mother cry in years. Ever since her dad had left them.

Dread started filling her stomach as she got down on her knees in front of her crying mother. “Mom? What’s wrong? What happened?”. Her mom was surprised at Jennie’s abrupt arrival, not having heard her approaching. She immediately started drying her tears, trying to act like she hadn’t just been caught crying on the floor. She looked at her daughter sadly, unsure of how to break the news. As the silence stretched on, Jennie started losing her patience as anxiety started to eat her up. “Is it dad? Is he okay?”. Her mother opened her mouth but was interrupted as another loud sob burst out. She grabbed her daughter by the shoulders and pulled her into a tight hug.

“That was the hospital on the phone. Oh Jen, I’m so so sorry”. Jennie was starting to grow angry as she still had no idea what was happening. “Mom. Tell me what happened. Please.”

Her mother opened her mouth and Jennie felt her whole world crashing down at the words that came out. It was worse than anything she could have ever imagined. Her mother continued talking, explaining the situation but Jennie didn’t hear anything past the first words, a buzz filling her mind and drowning all other noises except the words echoing over and over in her head. “It’s Lisa. She’s gone.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m so sorry. Like always, comments are greatly appreciated


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a Few more chapters of angst before things start looking up

The funeral didn’t take place until a whole week after her death. The news had spread quickly through their small town and soon it was all everyone was talking about. Everyone was in disbelief. Things like that happened in movies and books. Not there in their small town where everyone knew each other and people only locked their doors during the night. It just wasn’t conceivable, the idea of one of their own beating their only child to death.

Especially someone as highly regarded as Lisa's father had been, always involved in the community, never missing church. Jennie hadn’t learned the details of her death until two days after it had happened, as she had shut down when she first heard the news. She’d known Lisa's parents were extremely close minded, which was the reason why Lisa never came out to them, but she had no idea that they would react this way. She’d thought that at worst, they would disown her. She knew that technically speaking, her father was the one who killed her but both her parents were just as guilty in her eyes.

Jennie blamed herself for being so reckless, kissing outside Lisa's house right where anyone could see them. Things had been thrown into chaos after the news spread.

Her neighbors had apparently heard the ruckus and called 911 but it was too late by the time they arrived. Lisa was already gone. All they could do was arrest both her parents. Her mom had told her that morning that both were facing life in prison. Her dad for murder and her mom for being an accomplice to murder for standing there and not doing anything while it happened. She supposed it should have made her feel somewhat better, knowing they would spend the rest of their lives rotting in jail. It didn’t however. The only thing that would make her better was waking up from this nightmare her life had become.

With both her parents in jail, Jennie’s mom had taken up the responsibility of organizing the funeral for the girl she had loved as a second daughter. Jennie had been of no help, moving from her bed only when she needed to use the restroom. And now, the day Jennie dreaded was finally here.

She stood by the tree line watching people gather around the fresh grave from a distance. She didn’t want anyone talking to her, telling her they were sorry for her loss. It pissed her off, seeing so many of their classmates paying their respects like they were any better than Lisa's father. Acting like they’d been friends when they hadn’t even accepted her for who she was. She wanted to scream at them that they had no right to be there. That they hadn’t known Lisa. Not like she had. They just knew the popular soccer player with somewhat violent tendencies that had fallen from grace.

They didn’t see the Lisa that Jennie did. The girl that had befriended her when no one else would and had then spent every recess for a long time after helping her with her English. The girl that had once skipped school just so that she could take care of Jennie when she was sick and home alone even if it meant that she ended up getting sick too. Who had given up the sport she loved to play just to protect her. The girl who had an unhealthy love for bad puns and who always had a joke on the tip of her tongue. The girl who would spend hours watching cheesy romantic movies on Netflix with her just because Jennie loved them even if she herself spent the whole-time making fun of them.

They had no idea of how caring she could be. Or of how big of a goofball she was. They never knew the real Lisa. And now, they never would.

Jennie couldn’t stop thinking about how much pain Lisa must have been in during her last moments. How scared she must have felt knowing that she would never wake up again. How lonely she must have been.

One by one, everyone started leaving the cemetery until she was the only one left. She slowly walked over to the grave. She couldn’t get over the fact that the girl who had spent years by her side was now nothing more than an empty corpse. She would never get to kiss her again. Would never hug her again. Never hear her voice again. She was just gone. Just like that. There one moment and gone the next.

They’d been so close. So close to getting away from here and starting over. So close from starting their new lives together. They were supposed to have forever. And now, it was all gone. It felt like the worst pain Jennie had ever felt. It felt like the pain was psychically consuming her from the inside out, overwhelming all her senses until it was all she could feel. Like she had a big hole inside her where Lisa used to be. A hole that would never be full again, a permanent reminder of what she had lost.

The numbness finally faded away as Jennie was taken over by anger unlike any she had ever felt before. At the world for taking away what was supposed to be her forever. At Lisa's father for letting his hate and ignorance blind him. At Lisa's mother for standing by and watching as her daughter’s life slowly slipped away. She was even mad at Lisa for promising her forever and then taking it with her when she left. The person she was angriest at, however, was herself. For failing the one person who mattered the most to her out of everyone else in the world. The person that had always protected her and made her feel safe, and instead of returning the favor, Jennie had left her to suffer a slow and painful death. And now, she would have to spend the rest of her life missing her.

The pain finally proved to be too much as she fell to her knees, her legs no longer able to support her weight. Through tears, she stared at the headstone in front of her.

Lalisa Manoban

1997-2015

“Just like the passing of a day, a life full of sunshine ebbs away”

Forever in our Hearts

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, comments are really appreciated. Thanks for reading and I hope you decide to continue reading even thought Lisa died, although I understand if you stop


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tw: accidental overdose

_Jennie was 19 years old when the pain became too much to bear…_

Jennie opened her eyes, body trembling and heart racing. She turned to look at the glowing numbers on her alarm clock, the only light that could be seen in the otherwise pitch-black room. She sighted when she saw it was a few minutes to three in the morning. It seemed like she never made it pass three anymore before being shaken from her sleep. She sat up in her bed and turned on the lamp on her night desk, knowing she would never be able to go back to sleep that night. Not when she knew the images of Lisa's bloody face would be waiting for her the second she closed her eyes.

She hugged her knees and hid her face in them as she waited for the trembling to stop. She knew today was going to be a bad day. Not that there were any other kind of days really, but today was going to be an especially hard one. Today marked the one-year anniversary of Lisa's death.

She couldn’t believe it had already been a year. A whole year in which she barely left her room. She curled tighter into a ball as the familiar overwhelming sense of pain enveloped her now that she was awake once again. She was so tired of feeling this way. Every day was a struggle to get out of bed. To keep on living.

It hadn’t been this bad while she was still taking the medicine a doctor had prescribed her shortly after the funeral. The pill she took every morning had left her practically numb to everything, going trough the motions of the day almost robotically. Unfortunately, her mother had decided that she had been taking them for too long and had recently cut her off. That had been almost two weeks ago and Jennie knew she was getting close to her breaking point.

She clutched at her chest, wishing for a respite from the pain. She was just curling tighter into a ball when she heard it. “It’s your fault. I can’t believe I ever loved you”. A voice that sounded scarily familiar to Lisa's echoed in her head.

The voices that haunted her dreams had now followed her to the world of the living. It seemed like there was no escaping her guilt. She brought her hands to her ears, trying in vain to escape the voices that existed only in her head. The voices only grew louder in response until all Jennie could hear were accusation after accusation, blaming her for letting her best friend die. A small, rational part of her knew that it was probably her exhaustion and guilt that had caught up to her and were making her hear things, but the larger part just needed the voices to stop. 

She was still shaking in her bed when the images that haunted her dreams started filling her head. Image after image of Lisa, bruised and bloodied, begging her not to leave her there, blaming her, came to her mind, one after another. It was too much. She just needed it to stop. She could feel a panic attack coming on. She had started getting them shortly after her death but they had stopped once she started taking those pills. They hadn’t made an appearance again since she stopped taking them. Until now.

Blood pounded in her head as her heart thudded in her chest. Her hands shook and her chest started getting tighter as bile rose up her throat. She clutched desperately at her throat, trying to get oxygen back into her lungs. She could feel herself starting to hyperventilate as the pain in her chest grew bigger.

Jennie was getting desperate. She needed to go back to the numbness she’d felt when she was still taking a pill every day. She’d foolishly thought that nothing could be worse than feeling empty but she’d been wrong. She’d rather feel nothing than this pain that seemed to be eating her inside out.

She managed to lift herself off her bed and stumbled her way to her bathroom. She opened the sink cabinets, desperate to find the medicine bottle she knew her mom had stored there. She swept everything out in her search for the small orange prescription bottle, ignoring the dizziness that threatened to overwhelm her. Her eyes closed in on it just as her stomach started churning. The bottle was sitting in the very back, hidden from plain view.

She grabbed and hurriedly twisted the cap off, taking out a pill and swallowing it with sink water. It made no difference. Jennie could still hear the voices. She was still overwhelmed by so many different emotions at the same time. She knew the pill needed a few minutes to take effect but she couldn’t wait a few minutes. She needed everything to stop now. She took a second pill and quickly washed it down, hoping the numbness would return.

Seeing no immediate response, she shook the rest of them out of the bottle and swallowed them in one go, not caring about the possible consequences as long as it helped her stop feeling this way. The last thing she felt before darkness overtook her vision was relief as the voices were finally silenced.

\------------------------------

Jennie was awoken by an annoying beeping sound. The strong smell of disinfectant immediately filled her nostrils. She felt disoriented and confused. How had she gotten here? Her head was pounding. She slowly sat up, looking around the hospital bed. Her mother was sleeping in a chair next to her.

Piece by piece, her memory started coming back. The pain, the voices, the overwhelming need not to feel anything. The worst part was, she wasn’t sure if she felt relieved or disappointment at having woken up. Her heart ached when she realized her mom must have been the one to find her, laying on the bathroom floor. She couldn’t believe she had done that to her mother, after everything she’d done for her.

She was shaken out of her thoughts by a sudden gasp. Her mom had woken up and seen her finally awake. Before she could say anything, a pair of arms were thrown around her, pulling her into a crushing hug. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. Please don’t do that ever again”, her mom whispered into her hair, her arms refusing to let go. Jennie felt guilt coal up in the pit of her stomach. She couldn’t believe how selfish she’d been. She kept forgetting that she hadn’t been the only one who lost Lisa. Her mom had loved her as a second daughter, and now, Jennie had almost made her lose another daughter.

She suddenly heard a voice in her head that sounded a lot like Lisa. Except instead of blaming her, like the other voices had done, this one was scolding her for her reckless behavior. Jennie closed her, making a silent promise to herself.

She would get better. And she would live. If not for herself then for Lisa. Even if she knew with certainty that she would spend the rest of her life missing her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi, sorry I took so long to update. I will now be posting a new chapter every Monday and fridays. Comments are greatly appreciated


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry I took so long in updating. I thought people were no longer reading it and ended up losing interest and forgetting 🤦♀️. I'm back tho and updates will hopefully be more constant

_Jennie was 20 years old when she accepted that the anger would never fade away…_

Jennie sighed as the alarm clock on her nightstand started going off. She turned over and buried her head in her pillow, wishing the sound away. It had been another long, sleepless night and Jennie was not ready to start her day. She heard her room door being slamming against the wall as her pissed off roommate stormed in. “Seriously Jennie? Again? How many times do I have to ask you to turn your alarm clock off before it wakes up everyone else in the dorm?” she seethed, as she furiously pressed the off button on the alarm. Jennie ignored her, as she always did.

Jisoo starred down at Jennie’s form, still laying below her blanket, before seeing she would get no reply. She felt her anger seep away to be replaced by pity. “You can’t keep going like this. Something’s going to have to change eventually”, she told her, her voice much softer than before. She turned on her feet and left the room.

Jennie had to stop herself from going after her and starting a shouting match, which was her go-to nowadays. Deep down, she knew Jisoo was right. It wasn’t fair what she was doing. To herself or to others. Especially to Jisoo who had been unbelievably kind and understanding ever since she had first arrived there. It had been almost half a year since she first arrived at NYU, ready for a fresh start. Her mom had wanted her to study somewhere closer to home but Jennie had insisted on continuing with her and Lisa's plans of moving to New York. She felt she owed her that.

She was starting to wonder if maybe her mom had been right after all. Maybe she wasn’t ready. When she had first moved into her new dorm, Jisoo had already been there, waiting to greet her new roommate. She had been so cheerful and outgoing and funny and Jennie had immediately liked her, her sense of humor reminding her of Lisa. She remembered looking forward to getting to know her better only to be overtaken by a strong sense of guilt and anger. How could she be thinking about having fun and making new friends when Lisa would never be able to do any of those things again?

She knew it didn’t make sense. Lisa would have wanted her to move on, to be happy but every time she started to do so, the memory of her would come to the forefront of her mind and she would start thinking about how Lisa should be there by her side, experiencing all these things with her. Knowing that would never happen just made her angry at the world and she would take her anger out on anyone around. It was like an endless cycle and Jennie could see no way out.

She had accepted that she would simply spend the four years of college waking up, going to her classes, and going back to her dorm, her temper making it impossible for her to truly make friends. She’d tried multiple times but she always ended up pushing them away when the guilt inevitably rolled around and her angry outbursts started. She would go from feeling happy and laughing to wanting to slam her fist against the nearest surface, skin burning at the injustice of the world. She had eventually come to the decision that isolating herself would be the best option for everyone.

It had taken almost four months of Jennie’s constants refusals before Jisoo had finally given up on her and stopped inviting her to hang out or go places. She knew something must have happened to her roommate and wanted to be there for her but didn’t know how to.

Jennie didn’t know what to do. After months of talking to no one besides the daily calls with her mother, she was drowning in loneliness. She looked at her classmates laughing and talking with their friends and longed to be there with them. But another part of her hated them for being so happy. She wanted all of them to be as miserable as her. It felt wrong to her that the world should keep turning without Lisa in it.

She looked at the clock and sighed when she saw she had been laying around for half an hour already and her class had already started. She knew she should be scrambling around, gathering her things, and running off to the building her class was in, but she just didn’t have it in her to care. She didn’t seem to care for much anymore. She stood up and lazily made her way to her closet, throwing on the first pair of jeans and t-shirt she saw before grabbing her bag and making her way out of the dorm building.

She walked towards the main building where her sociology class was located. It was a quick, five-minute walk and before long, she was standing outside the classroom door. She quietly opened the door and sat at the closest seat available, ignoring the looks her classmates and professor were shooting her, as she arrived late once again. Ms. Jessica, her professor, gazed at her for a moment longer before returning to her previous lecture.

Jennie watched as everyone around her wrote down notes but she just couldn’t be bothered to. She starred at the clock that hung on the wall as she waited for the class to end, wanting to be back in her bed. After what seemed like an eternity, Ms. Jessica finally reached the end of her lecture and dismissed the class. “I’ll see you all tomorrow. Ms. Kim, please stay behind.”

Jennie bit back her urge to roll her eyes at the request. She made her way down the stairs and stood by her desk, waiting as she stood by the door and waved goodbye at every student as they left. Once the last student was gone, Ms. Jessica walked back to her desk. She sat down on top of it and looked at her, a pensive expression on her face. “Jennie, I’m going to be frank with you”, she said, dropping all formalities. “You’re constantly late to class, you never seem to pay attention, and you have at least two papers that are overdue. If you don’t change things around soon, you probably won’t be here next semester.”

Jennie couldn't be bothered about what she was saying until she got to the last part. Panic started to fill her at the idea of being kicked out. This was the school she had chosen alongside Lisa. The school they had applied to together. It felt like an insult to her memory for Jennie to throw their dream away. She nodded her acknowledgment at her words before making her way to the door, clenching her fists as the idea of being kicked out lingered in her mind. She knew her professor was just trying to help her but that didn’t make any difference as the familiar anger drummed beneath her skin, itching to get out.

She had to get back to her room before she did something she’d regret later. She decided to leave the building using the back way, which led to a barely used parking lot, as almost no one came that way and she didn’t want to see anyone. Her wish, however, went unanswered as she was just leaving the building when she saw it.

Jisoo was leaning against a car with a guy she recognized from her high school leaning over her. She didn’t know his name, as he had been two years younger than her and she had only seen him in the hallway. Since NYU had a large campus and Jennie barely left her room, she didn’t see him often but whenever she did, she did her best to avoid him, not wanting anything to do with anyone from her hometown.

She started to leave but something about the way Jisoo was leaning back as if trying to create space between them both, caught Jennie’s attention. She wanted nothing more than to rush back to her dorm but something kept her standing there, watching. She was too far away to hear what they were saying but by the guy’s expression, she could tell he had heard something he didn’t want to hear.

Jisoo made a move to leave but the guy grasped her arm and shoved her back in place, with her back against the door. Jennie knew that neither of them had seen her yet and that she could probably leave before they ever realized she had been there but the scared look on Jisoo's face kept her standing there. She hesitated for a few seconds longer before quickly walking over to them, silently hoping the guy wouldn’t recognize her. She tapped the guy on his back to get his attention. “Excuse me. It seems my friend doesn’t want you here so why don’t you leave before I go get a professor”, she told him, trying to get him to leave quietly.

The guy looked Jennie up and down before smirking. “You don’t have to be jealous. You can join us if you want”. He told her while leering at her. Jennie glared at him, doing her best to push her rising anger down. “Thanks, but no thanks. You’re not my type. Or hers.” The guy didn’t respond, starring at Jennie like he was trying to place her. His eyes widened in recognition a few seconds later. “Wait a minute, I know you. You’re one of those faggot girls from high school, aren’t you? You were dating that chic who was killed.”

Jennie’s anger threatened to come rushing out at his words. She ignored Jisoo's gasp at the revelation and the blood running down her hands from where her nails had broken skin from clenching her hands into fists so tightly. She glared at him, eyes full of hatred. “Her name was Lisa. Now I advise you to leave before I make you”, she told him through clenched teeth. The guy didn’t seem to see the dangerous aura that surrounded Jennie as he let go of Jisoo's arm and turned to face her completely.

He smirked at her, oblivious to the red flags that were pointing at him to leave as soon as possible. “Who cares about her name. She’s gone, thanks to that father of hers. I can’t really blame him for what he did. I mean, she’s the one who decided to become one of them. If she had simply been normal, she would still be here.” He opened his mouth to say something else but was silenced by the almost crazy look in her eyes. It seemed like his survival instincts were still somewhat intact after all, as he started backing away. Unfortunately, it was already too late and he didn’t get far before an almost animalistic growl came out of Jennie as she threw herself on top of him. He didn’t stand a chance as she immediately started throwing punch after punch, hitting him relentlessly, deaf to the screams that came from Jisoo, begging her to stop.

Jennie’s mind had gone blank after hearing his words and she had no recollection of what had happened but the next thing she knew, there were arms wrapped around her waist, dragging her off of the guy. Her senses came back as she grew aware of the situation once more. Jisoo was kneeling over the guy, whose face was a bloody mess. She was checking to see if he was still breathing and yelling at Jennie to call 911. Jennie gazed at the guy’s unrecognizable face in shock and then looked down at her bloody hands. She ignored Jisoo's shouts and quickly ran all the way back to her dorm building.

She stumbled into her dorm and made her way to the bathroom. She turned the faucet on and started washing her hands aggressively, desperate to wash away the blood. Jennie stood there for almost 15 minutes, long after the blood had gone down the drain, trying to erase the ghost feeling of it coating her hands. She looked up and saw her reflection in the mirror for the first time and she almost gasped at the sight of it.

Blood had splattered up and had now dried on her face. But that wasn’t the thing that shocked her. It was the look in her eyes. The eyes that were staring back at her were those of a stranger. It scared her, to realize that if Jisoo hadn’t been there, she wouldn’t have stopped. She hadn’t just wanted to hurt him; she’d wanted to kill him. The sight of his blood had made her want to draw out more. Because, somewhere in her messed-up mind, the guy’s face had started to look like Lisa's father and like every other person in their small-minded town that had spent years judging and hating them.

She’d spent years biting her tongue back and allowing other people’s opinions to simply wash over her, but hearing him speak so callously of Lisa had made her lose control in a way she never had before. She washed the blood off her face before making her way to her room and sitting down on her bed, still in a daze after what had happened.

Seeing what she had done made her realize that maybe this anger had been a part of her for a lot longer than she had first thought. Maybe it had been buried deep inside her ever since she moved to a small town full of close-minded, ignorant people, and it had slowly been growing little by little as she and Rose were belittled and ignored year after year, treated like criminals and outcasts just because they had dared to love each other. Being made to feel like they had committed the biggest sin just for being themselves. Watching their friends leave them, one after another until they only had each other left. Maybe the anger was the result of all those years of hate and she hadn’t realized it before because she had always had Lisa there. Lisa who was so full of love and laughter that the anger had been kept buried deep down. And now that she was gone, it had come running to the surface, much stronger than ever before.

It truly scared her, knowing what she was capable of. She hated the person she had become. The person who didn’t care about anything or anyone and had a vicious streak. The person who liked to hurt people. But the worst thing was that she knew Lisa would have hated that person too.

The incident finally made Jennie realize that she couldn’t go on living like this. She hated to admit it but she knew she needed help. She thought she could cope alone but she couldn’t. Not if she didn’t want to end up alone for the rest of her life. The realization made her start to cry and she buried her face in her hands as sobs wracked her body, washing away the numbness that had surrounded her for so long.

That was how Jisoo found her a few hours later when she entered Jennie’s room. She stood in the door for a few seconds, shocked at seeing her usually callous roommate crying her eyes out. She hadn’t known what to expect but it certainly hadn’t been this. She starred at her for a few seconds before rushing in, sitting down next to her on the bed and enveloping her shaking body in her arms. She stayed there and held her crying roommate until Jennie’s sobs finally came to a stop, aside from the occasional hiccup. Jennie sat up, breaking the embrace. She looked at Jisoo, embarrassed for her to have seen her in such a vulnerable position.

“What happened? Is he going to be okay?” she asked hesitantly, not sure she really wanted to know. Jisoo smiled reassuringly at her. “Don’t worry, he’s fine. He stopped breathing for a minute there and his face is definitely going to take some time to go back to how it looked but he’ll make a full recovery. I went to the hospital with him. And before you ask, you’re going to be fine too. I had a little talk with him once he woke up about how it would be a bad idea for him to go to the cops considering I could accuse him of sexual harassment thanks to his previous actions. Technically speaking, your actions were worse and would get you in bigger problems but he doesn’t need to know that.” She chuckled.

Jennie stared at her in disbelief. “I think you’re forgetting I’m a law student”, Jisoo clarified, mistaking her disbelief for being at how she managed to manipulate him into silence. Jennie shook her head. “Why would you do that. I mean, God knows I’ve been nothing but a bitch to you ever since we met. I thought you would have gone to the cops yourself.”

Jisoo smiled sadly at her. “I’m not stupid. I knew you’d been through something; I just didn’t know what. Hearing him talk about this Lisa girl. I’m just really sorry you had to go through that. Besides, I know you’re not a bad person. You’re just someone who’s had a lot of bad things happen to them.”

Jennie was still unconvinced. “Besides, who knows what he would have done to me. You saved me when you didn’t have to.” Jennie looked at the floor, not convinced she deserved such kindness from someone she had treated so badly. “I’m sorry. For being such a bad roommate. I’m going to try to do better from now on.”

Jisoo smiled and threw her arms around her, dragging her into a hug. It wasn’t long before she jumped up from the bed and made her way out the door, mumbling something about ice. She came back a few seconds later with two ice packs in her hand and sat back next to Jennie, taking her hands and putting them on top of her knuckles. “That’s definitely going to bruise”, she stated, her smile not leaving her face despite her bleak comment.

And Jennie couldn’t help but laugh as she remembered why Jisoo had reminded her so much of Lisa when she first met her. Except this time, instead of feeling angry, she felt closer, both to Jisoo and to Lisa.

Both girls spent the rest of the day looking up grief counselors near their area and Hayley booked Jennie an appointment for the very next day once they found one.

\------

The next morning, Jennie started regretting her decision but Jisoo refused to let her back out and dragged her all the way to the therapist’s office. She told her she would be waiting for her right outside before basically shoving her into the office. Jennie wasn’t at first sure that therapy was the right way to go but then she remembered the anger and hate that had pushed her to send someone to the hospital and the promise she had made to Jisoo about being better and decided to give it a try.

And she had. It hadn’t been easy but after months of constant therapy, she had managed to make some progress. Whenever she felt the familiar anger thrumming beneath her skin, coming closer to the surface, she simply excused herself from the room and isolated herself before she could take her anger out on any innocent bystanders. She started boxing and it became a great way to keep it in check, often spending hours in the gym taking her frustrations out on either her instructor or the punching bag. Meditating also became a great stress reliever. As time continued to go by, Jennie kept on finding different ways to cope and she slowly started getting back to who she was before. She opened up more to Jisoo and the two became really good friends. She introduced her to the rest of her friends and they quickly became Jennie’s friends. She started going out again and having fun, she met new people and started actually attending her classes and making plans for her future.

Her life, which had been close to hitting rock bottom, started looking up and for the first time in years, Jennie was actually happy. Nevertheless, no matter how much she laughed or hanged out with her new friends. No matter whether she was having fun or was in the middle of class, the anger thrumming beneath her skin was always there, a constant companion. As much as her constant angry outburst had become a thing of the past, and as much as her friends and family believed she had completely recovered, the truth was, she had simply gotten better at controlling her anger instead of having it control her. The burning sensation of the anger rushing through her skin was a constant in her life. And it would always be.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed it. Like always, comments are greatly appreciated. What do you think is going to happen next? I want to hear your opinions 💜


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here are the next two parts in one since both are pretty short. Hope you enjoy

_Jennie was 21 years old when she got her first tattoo…_

“Come on Jen, you know the rules. You chose dare so now you have to go through with it.” Yves said. It was Friday night and their group of friends were hanging out in Jisoo and Jennie’s apartment. They’d decided to live off-campus this year but still wanted to live together so they had rented an apartment close to the school together and it had quickly become the place where their group hung out. They’d been chilling out in the living room, listening to music, and talking when Sua had come up with the brilliant idea to play truth or dare.

They all made fun of the childish idea but sat around in a circle anyway since there wasn’t anything else to do. After a few rounds, it was finally Jennie’s turn and she made the mistake of choosing dare and now Yves was trying to convince her to go through with it. “Come on, don’t be a scaredy-cat”, she taunted. “Don’t listen to her Jen, you don’t have to get a tattoo if you don’t want one”, Jisoo defended her.

“Tell you what, if you get one I’ll go with you and get one too”, Jin told her. Jennie decided not to tell him that she had already been planning on going through with it anyway. “You’re on”, she told him.

They stood up and decided to walk to the popular tattoo place that was located a block over from her apartment. They left their friends to their game and started making their way there, both thinking about what they would get.

Once there, they opened the door and walked into the dark store. “Hello, are both of you getting tattoos today?” the man sitting on a chair asked. “Yeah, both of us”, Jennie said. She shoved Jin forward. “He’s going first.” Jin mock glared at Jennie before following the man behind a curtain. Jennie sat in one of the chairs in the waiting room and wondered what tattoo Jin would come out with. She hadn’t needed to think hard on hers. She’d already known what she wanted to be imprinted on her skin. She’d been planning on getting that specific tattoo for some time now but had been too scared to. Now, though, the dare had just been the push she needed.

Jin came back out, breaking her out of her thoughts. “That was fast. What did you get?”. She asked. He smiled at her and pointed at his finger where a small bandage laid. It’s a J. You’ll see it after it’s healed. Jennie laughed at his unoriginal idea before standing up. “I guess it’s my turn then.” She walked behind the curtain and was met with a nod, by the tattoo artist, directing her to seat in the chair in front of him. She did as she was told and asked for a paper and a pen so she could draw the tattoo she wanted for the artist to see.

The artist smiled when he saw the drawing. “It’s nice”, he told her. “Looks more meaningful than your friend’s.” Jennie nodded at him before leaning back and closing her eyes, wishing she’d drank more before getting in the chair.

It was almost half an hour later when the tattoo artist announced he was done. Jennie looked down at her new tattoo and smiled when she saw it. It was perfect. She thanked him and after paying him, made her way out. Jin was waiting eagerly to see it. “I want to see what you got.” He told her. Jennie undid the bandage and showed him her new tattoo proudly.

Jin looked at it confused. “I don’t get it. Why a firefly?” Jennie looked down at the intricate design that now adorned her chest, right above her heart. It was that of a small firefly with one word written below it. “Forever.” She smiled fondly as memories of the girl who had once called her that ran through her mind. “It’s a reminder. Of someone I once knew.”

\---------------

_Jennie was 23 years old when she graduated from college…_

Jennie was pacing nervously outside the gymnasium, repeating her speech under her breath for the hundredth time while Jisoo was sitting on the floor watching her friend with clear amusement on her face. She finally stood up after watching Jennie finish only to start it once again. She stood in her way, grabbing her by the shoulders and stopping her pacing. “Jen, breathe. You got this. You’ve practiced hundreds of times; you’re going to be great.” She told her. Jennie took a big breath, trying to calm her nerves. “Really?”, she asked. “Of course. I’ve heard you practice so many times even I could go up there and give it”, she joked.

“Look, you’ve worked hard for this. Nobody deserves it more than you. Now I’m going to go find my seat before the ceremony starts.” She pulled her into a quick hug before making her way into the gym.

Jennie starred at the door she was supposed to walk through in a few moments, trying to calm her racing heart. She knew Jisoo was right. She had worked her ass off to get there, going from being about to be kicked out of college to graduating top of her class. It had meant hours of extra studying and dozens of extra credit assignments to catch up on all that she had missed during the first semester but she had eventually gotten there.

One thing she knew for certain was that she owed it all to her friends. If they hadn’t come into her life when they did, she didn’t know where she’d be right now but it certainly wouldn’t be here, about to give a speech at their graduation.

“And now, one of our own her to give the closing speech, Jennie Kim”. Jennie knew that was her cue and took one last deep breath before making her way into the gym, climbing the stairs that led to the stage amidst the clapping. She walked over to the podium before finally turning to face her fellow graduates. Familiar faces looked back at her. The sight of her mother smiling proudly back at her from the crowd eased her nerves.

“Fellow graduates. We did it. After years of hard work, we’re finally here. We leave this place different people than who we were when we first arrived. Wiser, older, ready to pursue our dreams out in the real world. But most of all, we leave changed by the people who have entered our lives since we arrived. We leave with friendships that will last for the rest of our lives. We leave with cherished memories that we will never forget. There is a universal truth that we all must face that says that everything comes to an end. And so, it is now time for us to say goodbye. But remember that this is not really goodbye. As long as we hold on to these memories and to these friendships, it will never truly be goodbye. So, let’s not say goodbye. Let’s say, see you later. Thank you.”

Silence followed her speech which was quickly shattered by the thundering applause that followed. And amidst the cheering crowd, Jennie could have sworn she heard a faint ghost of a whisper in her ear. “You did it firefly. You did it”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, comments are highly appreciated :)


	12. Chapter 12

_Jennie was 25 when she realized her dream…_

Jennie was standing in front of a large, stone house, admiring the end result of the project she’d been working on for almost two years now, a huge smile on her face. “Hey Jen, come join the party. You’ll have plenty of time to admire later”, a voice screamed, shaking her out of her thoughts.

“Give me a minute. I’ll be right there.” She shouted back at Jisoo, who was standing in front of a grill trying not to burn the sausages for the hot dogs. She couldn’t believe all their work had finally paid off. She’d known she had wanted to dedicate her life to this since college, seeing no better way to use her psychology degree, but still, seeing it come to life after years was like a dream come true.

She looked at the large, empty house, that would soon be filled with life. It had taken a lot of loans and support, but they’d finally manage to have enough funds. Jennie stared at her friends and colleagues sitting on plastic tables in the garden drinking beer and eating hot dogs, knowing she was beyond lucky to have such great people at her side, helping make her dream come true.

She took one last look at the colorful words that decorated the top part of the house before turning around and walking back towards the celebration, a smile on her face the whole time.

“Lisa's Home, an organization dedicated to giving a home to at-risk LGBTQ+ youth.”

\-------

_Jennie was 29 years old when she finally understood the true meaning of forever…_

Jennie sat in her office long after night had fallen. The house was quiet as its inhabitants slept. She’d just had a meeting with a 12-year-old girl that had just moved in that very day. One of her most important responsibilities at Lisa's Home was checking in on the kids, making sure their mental health wasn’t declining and that they weren’t a danger to themselves. It was Jennie’s favorite part of her job, getting to connect with so many amazing kids and forming a bond with them but listening to their stories was always hard.

After years of this work, she usually wasn’t as affected as she had been when she first started, looking at the bright side of things and reminding herself that the kids were safe now. She tried to focus on making them feel at home and helping them move forward. But every now and then came someone who’s story hit close to home. This was the case with Rosé, the girl who had just arrived. It wasn’t just her story but also her personality that had reminded her so much of Lisa that it had left her feeling like her scars were fresh wounds once more.

Listening to her story, Jennie found herself thanking a God she wasn’t even sure she believed in, for giving the girl a different ending than the one Lisa had had. She’d ended up holding the girl in her arms as she cried about losing her family. Jennie had assured her that family was more than just who’s blood you carried and that they would be her family now before sending her off to bed, making a note to schedule another meeting with her soon.

That had been almost two hours ago and Jennie had not moved from her chair. Hearing the pain in the young girl’s voice as she wondered why she wasn’t enough had brought back memories of all the times she had wondered the same thing during her teenage years, hated and ignored by her peers. She just felt lucky to have had such a supportive mother that loved her unconditionally.

There were so many people that didn’t have that. The lucky ones managed to get out in time, like Rosé or the other kids living there. They were lucky to be able to move on, with only the emotional, and sometimes physical, scars and a small voice that never truly left, telling them they weren’t good enough for their families. Those were the lucky ones. Many others, including Lisa, were fated to become just another statistic, leaving the world before they really got the chance to live.

The moonlight shining through the open window broke Jennie out of her thoughts. She stood up and quietly made her way outside, trying not to wake anyone up. Behind the house laid a ladder leading to the roof. Nobody was allowed up there but Jennie sometimes went up there when she needed to think. She quickly made her way up to the rooftop, sitting on the small flat patch of roof, her quick and sure movements left no doubt that it was not her first time up there. She laid on her back, her arms beneath her head as she watched the night sky. Her mouth curved upward, a small smile forming on her face as memories rose to the forefront of her mind.

She remembered sitting on a different rooftop long ago, watching the same stars that shone down on her now, holding Lisa close. Her heart ached the way it always did when she remembered her. She wished that she could be here by her side, watching the stars instead of up there but the thought that she was watching over her brought her a sense of comfort. She remembered her words, telling her about the kind of love that lasted forever, even after death. She realized now she hadn’t truly understood that until now.

She knew that no matter how much time passed, Lisa would never be far from her thoughts.

Even now, years later, she still found herself reaching for her phone in order to call her whenever she had exciting news to share, forgetting momentarily that no one would be there to answer her call.

She saw her every time she was flicking through Netflix and a show they used to watch together appeared. Every time she went to the movies or watched the breakfast club. Every time someone teased her. Every time she saw a game of soccer. She felt her whenever she smelled lavender or vanilla or whenever she went to the beach. She could feel her presence every time she heard the song that had been playing on the radio the night she dropped her off at her house for the last time and Jennie knew with certainty that no matter how much time passed, she always would. For Lisa was a part of her and she would remain as such forever. And she wouldn’t have it any other way.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed. We're nearing the end. Comments are highly appreciated.


	13. Chapter 13

_Jennie was 32 years old when she made a life-changing decision…_

Jennie sat at her kitchen table with her mother sitting across from her, waiting for her to speak. She had asked her mother to come over, telling her she had big news to share. It was moments like these that Jennie truly appreciated her having left their town and moved to New York a few years ago to be closer to her. It made speaking with her much easier.

She took a deep breath, trying to gain the courage to share her news. She didn’t want her to feel hurt for not telling her earlier. Honestly, she’d been thinking about it for at least two years now and she felt like she was ready now. She hadn’t wanted to tell her earlier, thinking the adoption process would be a lot longer and not wanting to get her hopes up in case things didn’t work out.

The only person she’d told was Jisoo who had been unsupportive in the beginning. She’d eventually come around but her immediate reaction had been trying to warn Jennie of the difficulties of being a single mother. She couldn’t understand why she would try to go at it alone instead of trying to meet someone first. It had led to the biggest fight they’d had in all their years of their friendship but she’d eventually apologized and promised to support her.

As much as Jennie had been bothered by Jisoo's reaction, she could understand it to a degree. She just couldn’t understand that Jennie didn’t want anyone else. She’d already found her forever love years ago. And while it had been cut short, that didn’t mean the love wasn’t still there anymore.

Most people fell in love multiple times during their lifetimes, but the love Jennie and Lisa had had, had been the kind of love that comes by only once in a lifetime, and for most people, not even that. She’d been lucky enough to find her once in a lifetime love when she was just a little girl, and while their story may have been robbed of a happy ending, it didn’t change the fact that it had happened. Or that Jennie’s feelings hadn’t changed in all these years.

Most people thought Jennie was being stubborn, refusing to move on, rejecting the idea of meeting anyone new. After all, it had already been 14 years. What they didn’t understand was that moving on didn’t necessarily mean letting go. Lisa had been the one for her and she simply couldn’t fathom ever having what she’d had with her with someone new. Nor did she want to.

Falling in love again just wasn’t in the cards for Jennie and she was quite honestly okay with that. She’d been lucky to meet the love of her life when she was just seven years old, and while the love she’d had for her had changed throughout the years, going from the innocent love one has for a best friend to the searing flames of young love and finally to knowing she wanted to spend the rest of her life with her, the love had always been there and it continued to grow and evolve even now.

Nobody had ever brought her such joy and happiness as Lisa had and as her memory continued to. Or such pain and sorrow. But Jennie knew that was just one of the possible consequences of loving someone. What mattered was that Jennie had already experienced love more intense than anything else she’d ever felt in her life. And she wasn’t interested in experiencing it with anyone else.

That didn’t mean she was miserable. While a part of her would always wonder about what could’ve been, and the anger she’d spent years keeping at bay would always be there, Jennie could honestly say that she was happy with her life. She had great friends, an amazing relationship with her mother, and she was got to meet amazing people all the time working at Lisa's Home. And now, she was ready for the next step in her life. She was ready to become a mother.

She’d already gotten through all the paperwork and legal matters and had started buying baby clothes and a crib. She’d thought that she wouldn’t be hearing back from the adoption agency for at least six months but had been elated when she’d received the call a few days earlier telling her that a teenage mother looking to give her newborn to a new family had read her file and chosen her. The social worker had told her that they still needed to finish some paperwork but that she’d be able to pick up her daughter in as soon as one months’ time, 

She couldn’t be happier with the news but now she was left with having to tell her mother that she was going to be a grandma in less than a month. She’d thought she would have more time to tell her but now there was no more time. To be honest, Jennie wasn’t really nervous about her reaction. She knew she would be supportive. She just worried about her feeling hurt because Jennie hadn’t told her earlier.

“Jen I’m really starting to worry here. What’s going on”, the mother finally questioned. Jennie broke and a hasty explanation made its way out of her mouth, trying to explain her decision on keeping it from her. Her worried ranting was cut off by the expressionless look on her mother’s face.

Her worry started growing as the silence stretched on. It was shattered a few moments later though when her mom abruptly stood up from her chair and quickly walked around the table towards Jennie before pulling her into a hug. She felt a wet spot on her shoulder where her mother’s tears were falling. She ignored it as she hugged her back, feeling warm at her mother’s support.

\----

A few weeks later, Jennie and her mother were following Troy, a social worker, as he led them towards the room where her daughter was sleeping. It had been a few stressful weeks, her mom and Jisoo helping her get her apartment baby ready. But now, the day was finally here and Jennie couldn’t wait. They followed Troy into the room, quickly walking towards the crib where a small baby was sleeping. She looked down at her daughter, feeling an overwhelming sense of love towards the small infant.

“She looks like a Skylar. Or maybe an Alex, what do you think? her mom asked. Jennie simply shook her head at her mother’s suggestions. She knew exactly what her daughter’s name would be. She picked up her infant daughter from the crib, carefully making sure she was cradling her head correctly. The baby opened her eyes and looked up at her new mother, tiny noises making their way out of her mouth. Jennie smiled at her daughter, surprised at how much love she felt for her already. “Hello there Lisa. I’m your mother and I promise you I will always love you”, she cooed at the baby in her arms, happiness filling her heart.


	14. Chapter 14

_Jennie was 38 years old when she told Lisa about her namesake…_

Lisa had always been a curious child. Which is why it surprised Jennie that it had taken the six-year-old this long before she’d asked her about who the girl in the photo on her nightstand was. The photo in question showed two girls, both about 16, standing in front of the statue of liberty. The brunette was looking up at the blonde one, a surprised look on her face while the taller girl was beaming at the camera, an arm thrown around the shorter girl’s shoulder, ignoring the questioning look on her face.

Jennie remembered the day it had been taken as if it had been yesterday. Her mother had taken both her and Lisa on a week-long trip during the summer. Jennie had been especially excited about going to see a Broadway show while Lisa had wanted to do all the usual tourist stuff. It was their second day in New York and Lisa had woken her up early to drag her to see the statue before it got too crowded. Her mom had decided to let them go alone, preferring to use that time to go shopping.

After taking the ferry to Liberty Island, both girls finally stood in front of the monument. Excitement started bubbling in her stomach at the sight of the huge statue as they eagerly walked over to buy tickets so they could go up. Her excitement, however, had diminished significantly by the time they got to the top, the exhaustion from the climb combined with the searing sun leaving her wanting nothing more than to be back in their air-conditioned hotel room.

In contrast, Lisa looked excitedly out at the view. Jennie smiled at the happiness in her gaze but started getting impatient as half an hour had passed and Lisa still was not ready to go down. “Come on Li, it’s too hot. Let’s go get something to eat”, she complained.  
“Right after we take a picture”, Lisa assured her. She went up to a woman who looked to be in her twenties and asked her if she minded taking a picture of them.

The woman smiled at them and nodded and Lisa made her way back to the edge, dragging Jennie along with her. Both smiled at the camera as the woman took the picture. “One more please”, Lisa told her. Jennie started complaining about the sun in her eyes but her whining was silenced abruptly by a pair of lips meeting her own in a chaste kiss. Jennie was shocked, immediately on alert, ready to face at least a few disgusted glances or jeers thrown their way. She was taken aback when she realized that, aside from the smile the girl taking their picture threw at her, there were no reactions at all. Nobody cared.

She was so used to having to hide their affection in the privacy of their homes that it had slipped her mind that it wasn’t like that everywhere. The camera had captured the exact moment after the kiss, the alarm clear on her face along with the carefree look on Lisa's face who had clearly come to that realization before Jennie. 

Jennie remembered that moment as the first time she truly felt free. It was why she quickly went along with Lisa after she declared that they would move there after high school to go to college. She smiled fondly at the picture frame her daughter was pointing at, memories flashing through her mind.

“She’s my best friend”, she told her, knowing there were no words that could truly explain what she had been to her. Especially to a six-year-old. “I thought aunt Jisoo was your best friend”, Lisa stated, a confused look on her face. “Well, she is. Lisa was a different type of friend”, she said. Jennie laughed as the look of confusion on her daughter’s face grew bigger. “But I’m Lisa”, she told her, looking at her as if she had forgotten her name. “You both are. You’re named after her.”

“Why is she never here”, she questioned. Jennie thought about it for a few seconds. She didn’t want to lie to her daughter but she also didn’t want her to know the truth, wanting to protect her from the harsh reality they lived in. “She had to go away, for reasons beyond her control”, she told her, trying to be as vague as possible. Lisa noticed her mother’s sadness and was confused. “Why don’t you just visit her?” she questioned.

Jennie smiled fondly at her daughter’s innocence, still too young to know of the horrors in the world, and vowed silently to do whatever it took to make sure she retained it for as long as possible. “I hadn’t thought of that, what a good idea”, she told her. Lisa smiled at the praise, looking proud of herself. “I want to play now”, she told her before running out the room, the conversation already forgotten.

Jennie took one last look at the framed picture, a silent tear making its way down her cheek.


	15. Chapter 15

_Jennie was 86 years old when she said her final goodbyes…_

It was a cold winter evening in New York City. Dozens of people squeezed themselves in a hospital room, surrounding the bed that sat in the middle. The air was filled with an overwhelming sense of sadness as everyone tried to prepare themselves to say goodbye to one of their own.

“I’ll give you a few minutes to say goodbye”, the doctor said, before making her way out of the room. One by one, people stepped up to the hospital bed to hug the person laying there one last time, trying to come to terms with what was about to happen.

They all shared one last moment with her before stepping away until only Lisa was left. The 47-year-old woman looked down at her frail mother, laying on the bed, trying to hold her tears in. She wanted to be strong for her mother. “I’m not ready to say goodbye”, she admitted. Jennie was too weak to speak but she found her daughter’s hands, taking them into her own and squeezing them weakly. Lisa got the silent message. She wasn’t ready but Jennie was. She wanted to say something but words failed her. She leaned down and kissed her frail mother on the forehead one last time before stepping away, right into her husband’s embrace.

The doctor came back in. She was accustomed to the dark, depressing atmosphere. It came with her job but that never made it any easier. “It’s time.” Jennie took one last look at all the people surrounding her bed, accompanying her in her last moments. She looked at her daughter standing there with her husband and her three grandchildren. At all the friends she had made throughout the years from her foundation. At Jisoo, her oldest friend who had stayed by her side for so long. She managed one last smile at them before looking up at the ceiling. She knew death was supposed to be a scary thing but she only felt contentment. She was ready.

Memories of her long life flashed through her mind as she remembered all the people she met throughout her life. She remembered holding her daughter in her arms for the first time. Remembered Lisa's first birthday. Remembered welcoming her first grandchild, and all the ones that came after. All the teens she has met through the foundation. She remembered walking Lisa down the aisle. Remembered years filled with tears and loneliness, with happiness and laughter.

And somewhere, in the very back of her mind, she remembered faint laughter from long ago. She remembered her youth, remembered hours spent laughing in school, sending thousands of post-it notes filled with inside jokes understood only by two. Hundreds of movies watched in the old cinema. Remembered hundreds of nights spent laying around in bed, holding each other, remembered whispered conversations and longing looks. Remembered kind eyes and constant assurances. Remembered one girl’s kindness on her first day of school.

Jennie could feel herself slipping away, her eyes growing heavier. Darkness enveloped her vision as she closed her eyes for the final time, a small smile permanently etched upon her lips.

No words were spoken as everyone bowed their heads and cried, saying a final farewell to the person who had greatly impacted each and every one of their lives.


	16. The Epilogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The somewhat happy ending that was promised is finally here

The first thing Jennie noticed when she opened her eyes was the salty smell of the sea. She looked around and was surprised to find herself standing on a sandy beach. She looked down at her body and gasped at what she saw. Her previously frail body was now strong and healthy once more. Her hair was full of color, no longer grey and brittle and she felt better than she had in a long time. She shook her head in disbelief, recognizing the outfit that she was wearing as the same one that she had worn the day Lisa died.

She was shaken out of her thoughts by the sight of a hand reaching out towards her. Her eyes were immediately drawn to the familiar-looking ring that laid on the forefinger. It was identical to the one that rested on Jennie’s. She slowly looked up and gasped as memories of long ago rushed through her mind at the sight before her.

Lisa stood there, holding her hand out for her to take. Jennie noticed she was also wearing the same outfit that she had been in on her last day. There was not a single scratch or bruise on her. She was as beautiful as Jennie remembered her. A familiar smirk adorned her face, as she gazed at her with those adoring eyes of hers. Her hand was still reaching out towards her, waiting for her to take it, eyes inviting. Jennie reached out, entwining her hand with Lisa's. A simple greeting left Lisa's lips, which immediately lifted the heavy weight of guilt that Jennie had been carrying around for a long time.

Ever since she was an 18-year-old girl, waving goodbye to her girlfriend from the car window before driving away. Unaware that in a few minutes, as she got ready to go to bed, her girlfriend’s life would be ended in one of the cruelest ways possible by one of the people that was supposed to love her the most.

“Hey firefly”

And for the first time since that fateful day so long ago, the anger that had become a part of Jennie finally faded away.

“Lisa”

_The End_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We've finally reached the end of the story. I truly hope you've enjoyed it. Comments are highly appreciated :)


End file.
